I went out with Bachelor #3 tonight. Actually, it’s almost 2am and I am just getting in. I’m not even doing the walk of shame. Bachelor #3 knocked it out of the park. He took me to my favorite book store to wander around and I found a book I had been looking for. Then we went for pizza and he didn’t even know it’s practically my all time favorite food, but I guess he had a 50/50 chance on that one. And we talked and talked some more. It’s actually been a really long time since I’ve been around someone and not wanted to either cut the date short or cancel it all together. It’s not often you run into a genuinely nice guy who wants to run his fingers through your hair with no intention of them making their way to your pants. And there is never any awkward silence either. We talked about everything from blowjobs to back rubs to ecstasy to Jesus. He’s just smart. And we have differences of opinion on lots of things. I like Mexican. He hates it. He likes Chinese. I hate it. He leaves the water running. I shut it off to brush my teeth. But those are surface differences. Anyway, bachelor #3 has turned into bachelor #1 because he’s totally knocked 1 and 2 out of the running. Well, they knocked themselves out by not being on his level but that’s what happens when you don’t step up your game. Also, since bachelor #1 formerly #3 knows that anything he says can and will probably be used in a blog we have agreed to a journalist off the record clause in our relationship or whatever it is turning into. He says “off the record” and I can’t use it. If he doesn’t, everything is fair play. And he’s totally ok with me spilling the beans. He said, “you can’t get mad at the truth.” And I agree. I wonder if he would get mad if I told you he poops with the water running and then when you meet him, you all will be like, “hey, you’re that dickhead who wastes all the water.” I guess we will find out now won’t we? (insert maniacal laugh here)
Also, we were talking about The Unboyfriend and he asked me what it was about and I told him it was basically a compilation of all my failed relationships and then he said the most profound thing. I’m paraphrasing here: “All failed relationships aren’t failures. It’s like a candle. It’s not meant to last forever. But you don’t light a birthday candle if you want to brighten a whole house.” Then he basically dropped the mic and walked out of the room. Or he would have if we were in a room and not driving in the car. So basically it doesn’t matter if this relationship works out or not. Nothing is a failure. Everything is an opportunity for growth. He may have already earned himself a whole chapter. Maybe the last one. Who knows?