RouletteWeekend

I’m late writing a blog today. I’m late working out today. I’m just late at life today in general. It happens.

Flea Market Guy and I got into an argument last night. It wasn’t a true argument or a fight even. It was a disagreement about the one thing we always say we will never argue over. MONEY.

I’ve recently started my own business. As anyone who has started a business knows, it takes some money. This business doesn’t take that much. But it does take a couple hundred bucks from me a month and some time that isn’t paying off at the moment. If you know anything about network marketing, then you also know that you have to build a network before you can build a networking business.

So that’s what I’ve been doing. I’ve been working on myself. Becoming “a product of the product.” I also have a part time job as a crossing guard. And FMG and I started a company a year ago that is HIS business. I just helped him get it off the ground and I help him keep it running. Helping others build their business is my strong suit. Helping myself… well, I’m working on it.

So, long story short, he says, “I need to get a second job. We don’t have enough money.” And he’s right, we don’t have enough money right now. We are scraping by to pay all the bills on time, and a lot of those bills are credit card bills that we wracked up first, when he was getting sober and literally could not work because he was too sick to leave the house for months and then the others were from starting the business. So we basically work to pay bills and we have nothing in savings at this moment.

But we have 4 employees and are running 2 business and own 2 cars and a house. To me, I think we have made it. We are successful, we are happy, we are in love. That should be enough.

I was raised poor. I never actually thought I would own a house or a car that wasn’t 15 years old.

He was not raised poor. He thinks we should have a plan, a backup plan, and a backup backup plan. He is an adult. I am a dreamer.

So his solution is to get a part time job working FOR another company helping to generate more income for said company. My solution is for him to just work longer hours at our company and not give our employees as much work until we can create a better system.

He went and got a part time job that he starts tonight after he gets done working 8 hours at his business.

I tried to tell him that business take time to grow and make money. He tried to tell me he wants to make money now even if he has to work 80 hours.

I don’t like the idea of 80 hours because then I feel like we will be sacrificing our relationship for a couple dollars.

Either way, he got a job, I’m not happy and it ruined my night last night. I LET IT RUIN MY NIGHT LAST NIGHT.

He was not arguing. He was not even being a little argumentative. He was pretty matter of fact in that he went and got a second job and that was that.

I got all pouty and couldn’t sleep because I can’t sleep when I’m mad. I inevitably woke up mad and decided that my anger was a good enough reason to not work out, so stayed in bed. I didn’t go back to sleep. I just laid next to him seething about how he could possibly have the nerve to go get a second job so that WE wouldn’t have to worry about money.

I finally got up and went to my crossing guard gig. I came home, he gave me the day off today to work on my business, but I blew that off this morning too because after crossing guarding, I went to bed and slept for 2 hours. When I finally got up, I did work out. I thought about sabotaging myself. I thought about giving it all of my old excuses, “I can’t do this.” “This is for other people.” “Other people are successful at being healthy.” “Other people are successful at building businesses.” “I am not other people.”

Thankfully, I’ve been working on getting that voice to shut the fuck up for a while now, so I was able to get out of bed and put on my workout clothes and push play.

I did the thing. I got up. I got out of my own way. I worked out. I worked the bad mood out of me. I came to the realization that I can be really fucking selfish and that all he is trying to do is to make more money so I can work on building this business that I feel is a gigantic fit for the life I want to have. I’ve always wanted to help people get out of their heads and into their hearts. So instead of getting pissed off and mad, I should have thanked him for having the faith in me to work extra so I can put more time into this. Instead, I flipped it all around and made everything about him and his fault.

I guess there is still more work to do on the inside of this body.