RouletteWeekend

If you follow me on Facebook or Instagram, you may have seen my little “peace out, taking a social media break” post today.

I’m sure it’s not forever. It’s just for now. I’m tired. Everything feels heavy and my mental and physical health seem to be circling the drain.

I’ve stepped off social media before and almost immediately, I want to be back here, blogging. Telling a story in words, not pictures. One that is true, authentic, and not just the highlight reel of beach vibes and good times.

This space has always been my refuge. My version of confession, if you will. WordPress is my safe place where I feel like I can get it all of my chest without judgement from anyone because everyone who has ever logged onto this page knows that I truly don’t give a fuck what anybody thinks about me in this little corner of the world.

Facebook and Instagram are different stories. I find myself wanting to keep up with the Joneses and comparing other people’s highlight reel lives to my everyday ups and downs. I know I’m not alone in this vicious cycle, but it often feels lonely.

Add to it that I’ve been physically “off” for weeks, maybe even months at this point, uninsured and suffering silently and it’s a recipe for loads of self-doubt, self-loathing, soul-searching, home-remedies, and finally an ER visit.

All without any answers.

And then the news blares in from every direction, as if the personal weight wasn’t enough. The political climate, the literal climate — storms, heat, uncertainty everywhere you look. It all presses down until even something as small as opening an app feels impossible, exhuasting.

So here I am, back in this little corner. A keyboard, some words, a confessional; the happy place I keep running back to like an ex I regret leaving. If nothing else, I can promise you, as per the usual in this space, nothing here will be polished, branded, or pretty. It’ll just be true, honest, maybe a little gritty.

But I think that’s all I can manage right now. Maybe that’s all any of us can.