My Jehovah’s Witness friends came to call on me today. I’ve known them for five years. I met Dave while I was working at a liquor store. He came in and asked if he could give me something to read and, of course, I said yes. I’m a reader. I read anything that has words. Sometimes I even sit on the toilet at the bar for an extended amount of time just to read the writing on the walls, literally, not metaphorically. Dave introduced me to his wife, Sandy. We became fast friends and they come to visit me often. They are so loyal in their quest to get me to cross over without being overbearing and stalker-ish. But I haven’t yet because like St. Patrick’s Day and Jelly Beans. And stalkers. I am the queen of stalking. In a healthy way, of course. And anti-stalking, which is just basically knowing someone so well you know when to not be at the place they will probably be at. It’s a gift really.
Anyway, they came by today to invite me to an unEaster celebration. It’s for the resurrection. But not Easter because they don’t celebrate Easter. I like spending time with people of other faiths. It actually beats the hell out of spending time with people who have no faith…in anything…ever. But I found out something interesting today. If you want to keep the witnesses from coming to visit you, all you have to do is keep a lame bird or two that can only flop its wings but not fly by your front door and when they come to call, just drop it out the upstairs window and let it flop all the way down while watching it smack one of them in the face in a most dramatic manner. They will quickly turn to go. Of course, you will scar at least one of them for life but doesn’t that beat standing behind the blinds hoping they don’t see you peeking out to see if they’ve left yet? You’re welcome. They told me this story. I couldn’t make that up. But now you know. What are friends for?
*No Jehovah’s Witnesses were harmed in the writing of this blog
*Also, I would recommend getting to know one or two. They are like the Disney World of religions. And it’s a small world.