Chikin….Just Don’t

I don’t know if I am the only person in the world who gets physically angry every time they see a chick-fil-a billboard (and there are tons of them) because of the intentional spelling errors. Sure, it’s all in good fun, but our kids will never win a spelling bee with all those billboards around. I remember when my kids were little and were learning to read, that was their go to source for encouragement. They would read a billboard and wait for my praises when they got it right. I didn’t have to worry about it being spelled correctly because that’s what responsible ad agencies did back then. They made ads with properly spelled words. Believe me when I say I am not Chick-Fil-A bashing. I love Chick-fil-A’s mission “to glorify God by being a faithful steward of all that is entrusted to us. To have a positive influence on all who come in contact with Chick-Fil-A.” But if we are taking this statement seriously. I feel like Jesus may be a little disappointed in the “positive influence on all who come in contact”  with the billboards. If you don’t have a Chick-Fil-A nearby or if you don’t live in the United States, here are just a few examples of the billboards. Keep in mind, there are usually one or two sneaky cows “painting” these signs:

• EAT MOR CHIKIN
• BEEF EATERZ BEWARE-WEER VERY SNEEKIE
• BURGERZ R 4 LOSERZ I’M JUST SAYIN
• U WANNA PEECE OF ME?
• STOP, DROP AND EAT NU SPICEE CHIKIN

And the list goes on and on. I know it is supposed to be funny. I even want to insert a joke here about cows being way, way smarter than chickens, but I like them both and I don’t eat either of them so honestly, I don’t care. I just want the billboards to be accurate representations of actual English words. I don’t even know why it is such a big damn deal to me. And Chick-Fil-A isn’t the only company doing it. Krispy Kreme, Dunkin Donuts, Shirt Worx, Fatz. Their names are all spelled wrong but at least their ads have been proofread and spell checked.

I could go on and on, but if I did, I would have to spend a small amount of time researching other companies whose names are misspelled and quite frankly, I think it would just piss me off. I think Lamar advertising should have some sort of clause in their paperwork that says all billboards must go through a spell checker. Seriously, if a cow on a billboard wrote, “burgers are for losers, I’m just saying,” I feel like it would be just as amusing as the misspelling, if you find cows on a billboard amusing in the first place.

I bet if you asked 200 first graders how to spell chicken or if you held up two cards, one with the correct spelling and one with the Chick-Fil-A version, I bet the majority would pick the Chick-Fil-A version because it’s basically turned into a sight word for them (teachers, feel free to try this)  because there is a sign with those stupid cows at just about every mile marker on the interstate. And I use the word stupid intentionally because those stupid cows can’t spell and the stupid people who are making the stupid cows write the misspelled words are even worse. And more importantly, is anybody wondering how the hell those cows are getting up there? Or is it just me?

Yes, I do realize that I’ve wasted 500 words complaining about this, but it was not all for naught. I said all of this in an effort to ask all of you to start saving your change, because I’m investing in a ski mask and some spray paint and I am going to be going on midnight missions to correct the grammar of every Chick-Fil-A sign in the United States starting right here in Knoxville, Tennessee. If you are in another part of the country and would like to use your saved change to buy your own ski mask and spray paint, I stand behind you, but if you are more of a “support the cause” kind of person, I would ask you to kindly hang on to your change so when we dial your number with our paint stained fingertips, you will be able to come bail us out of jail.

Don’t Be A Chikin….Do Something!!!