I started listening to an audio book that was recommended to me the other day. I haven’t finished it yet, but I should be able to finish it and listen to it at least one additional time before I get to Nashville today. It’s called The War of Art, not to be confused with The Art of War. It’s basically a book that helps you to recognize the bullshit in your life and calls you on it. There is one word that is repeated over and over in this book and it is resistance. The author’s take on it is spot on too. He basically says that whenever you decide you are going to be brave enough to do that “thing” that you’ve always wanted to do, you will be met with resistance in some form or fashion. He says you will be met with resistance from friends, family, significant others, but most of the resistance will come from within yourself. I’ve been doing a lot of inner searching lately and this particular part of the book almost brought me to tears, because he was so right. Resistance is real. I can easily come up with a hundred reasons or more why I don’t have “time” to write. I have to clean, I have to go to the store for my mom, I have to go to the store for myself, the dogs need walked, I have to go to work, I have to look for a job, I have to meet a friend, I have to shower, I have to nap, and the list goes on and on and on and on. I’ve been doing really well these last few days of staying on what I consider somewhat of a schedule and I am planning on continuing on that route for next week and the next until it is eventually a habit that I don’t have to talk myself into or out of doing. I can easily say that I am the number one saboteur of all things writing. Hell, of all things in my dreams. I can easily sabotage everything good in my life. They say it takes 500 hours (or so) of doing a “thing” and then you are literally a “professional” at it. I would say that I am an honest to goodness professional at self sabotage. I’ve explored this before. I explored the idea that I am not so much scared of failing as I am of succeeding. If all my dreams came true tomorrow, I don’t know how I would react. What if I woke up and I was all of a sudden a best selling author, who was making a decent living and could afford to live anywhere and drive any car that I wanted? What if I could afford to get my kid those new shoes he wanted any time he wanted them? What if time wasn’t an issue? What if money wasn’t an issue? I don’t know what I would do. I mean, isn’t that everybody’s dream? To have financial freedom and independence? Isn’t it everybody’s dream to be able to travel and see the world without a single thought to time? I often think what I would do if I was able to have that freedom and quite frankly, I have no fucking idea. Would I love to have those things? Yes, but I think for the majority of my life, I have been scared of success. I know it sounds stupid, because most people are gripped with fear of failing. I’ve failed so much in my life, it’s like an old friend, a security blanket. I can fail successfully and wake up tomorrow knowing that I will try again. But waking up tomorrow having everything I ever wanted? I don’t know how I would handle that and I think until I accept that it is a real possibility and that I actually deserve to have everything I could possibly dream of, I think I am blocking those things from happening. So I am going to attempt to quit resisting success and open up and let the universe work it’s magic.