My One Pessimistic Post….

Let’s try this again. I guess it’s obvious I went back to work. Every time I do that, I disappear from the blogosphere. So my “boss” and I made up and I accepted a position back at the granite shop. It was originally supposed to only be part time, but none of the other office people worked out and I ended up being there way more hours than I wanted. And now I’m miserable again. When I can’t write, I feel lost. I know it probably sounds odd but it’s true.  And so, here I am again, working to make someone else’s dream come true and putting all of mine on the backburner. I was so happy those few weeks I was unemployed. Of course, I was worried about money but I was happy. Now, I feel like I’m depressed. I know I should be ecstatic to even have a job and one that pays well at that, but I’m not. Miserable is an understatement. I go to bed dreading daylight. Life shouldn’t be like that. And then I wake up and go through the motions of being dependable and happy. I get so tired of lying. I’m sure I’m not the only one who goes to bed every night just praying for the winning lottery numbers to etch their way into my brain on the exact day that they are going to come in. I don’t even want millions, though I wouldn’t turn it down. I just want enough to live the life I want. I know….waaaah, waaaah, waaaah, that’s what we all want, why should I get it when nobody else does? I don’t have an answer, but if I did, I guess it would just be because I’m so….fucking….tired.