I’ve come to the realization that the saying that “most people do not want you to be happy,” is true. I’ve learned over the last few months who really cares and who really gives a flying fuck about what I want to do. Before I go into this, I want to clarify that I am not complaining one bit. I am just seeing things clearer. I haven’t worked a “real” job as my sister would say since April. It’s not that long to be without a “real job.” Especially since I’ve somehow managed to pay all my bills. Of course I had a little help from friends. Friends who believe in me. Friends who want to see me succeed. But for the most part, I’ve been hustling and grinding on my own to make it work, because I know the 9-5 is not for me. Taking orders (that go against my morals and ethics) is not for me. Being a shitty person by default is not for me.
I learned a long time ago that you , not only have to do what makes you happy, but, have to have faith that things will work out. You have got to believe. And more importantly, you have got to believe in yourself. I didn’t realize that the two went hand in hand until recently. And that’s what I’ve been doing. I’ve always done what makes me happy. It’s kind of my super power, really. I’ve had jobs that made me miserable, so I quit and found one that made me happy. Until that job made me miserable, and then I’d quit and find one that made me happy. The cycle repeated itself over and over again. For many, many years. I’ve always called myself a job hopper. I’ve always had “jobs” and never a “career.”
In my head, I’ve always been a writer. It’s the only thing I like to do. It’s one of the only things I’m really good at. It’s also one of the only things that I will admittedly say that I’m proud of besides the children that I’ve raised. And I’m happy. I am perpetually happy. My friend Crystal thinks there is something wrong with my brain, but I’m convinced that my brain is perfectly normal and I feel like I think the way everybody should. If it doesn’t make you happy, don’t do it. And if it does make you happy, fuck what anyone else thinks if you aren’t hurting anybody.
I received a little backlash from yesterday’s blog. I even got unfriended and blocked on Facebook by a person or two. And I had a really hard time finding any shits to give about it. Everything I write is everything I think, Un-apologetically. Honestly. It’s the real me. And people who are unhappy in their lives have a tendency to want everyone in that boat with them. Misery has always loved company. I have always loved happiness. Happy people, positive people, like minded people. It’s what makes me tick. People who are supportive of me and my calling. In the beginning of all of this, I took things personal. When I started blogging, I wanted EVERYONE to read my blog. I was sure that within a year, I would have ten thousand readers a day. And maybe I would have if I had been writing daily like I was when I started, but I let life and relationships drag me to the ground and keep me from doing what I love. I was upset when people didn’t share my blog. I was upset when people didn’t review the book that I gave them for free. I was upset that the people that I thought had my back only had my back when it suited them. It hurt me most with family, probably because I hold them to a higher standard. I expect more loyalty from them. I’m supportive of them, I just wanted the same.
I was taking everything personal. Until I realized that nothing is personal. I can’t let it be. I was mad at my sister a couple weeks ago. Well, mad is probably a strong word. My feelings were hurt that I had to ask her numerous times to share my new book on her Facebook page. And she never did. But then I would get notifications every two hours that she “shared a post.” She “shared a post.” She “shared a post” that was never mine and when I asked her about it, her excuse was, “I’ve been busy.” But not too busy to share everyone else’s posts.
And then I ask a complete stranger on my page the same exact question and without hesitation, she shared it to thousands of her friends and followers. I do realize that starving artists are more supportive of other artists. I’m the biggest supporter of anyone trying to make their own money through their craft. I buy CD’s, lotions, hats, gloves, books, papers, whatever it is. But I was still irked at my sister. And then I remembered a quote from somewhere that says, “you’ll always be disappointed when you expect people to act as you would.” And I took it to heart. And I stopped expecting anything from anyone. That way when I get something unexpected, I’m full of appreciation and gratitude.
And it’s not a bitter revelation that people won’t usually do you the way you do them, especially when you’re supportive. I get it that everyone has their own stuff going on. Everyone has a life. Everyone is busy. Everyone is battling some demon they don’t want to share. I get it….now. But it wasn’t until I let that shit go that I was truly happy.
Now I don’t care that my sister doesn’t think writing is a “real” job. I know that she would probably roll her eyes if she saw me sitting in pajama pants at 3pm in front of the computer. But seriously, I want everyone to be happy. I wish everyone would find that one thing that they love and be able to do it. I wish everyone was perpetually happy like me (which I will talk about tomorrow), but until then, if you have a friend or a relative who is working their ass off trying to do something that they love, maybe be supportive. You don’t have to offer to pay their rent, but maybe on occasion say, “hey, heard that song you were working on, sounds great, can’t wait to hear the finished product,” or “how’s the writing going?” or “I’d love to see you perform live, let me know when the next show is,” and then go. Don’t assume they know you are proud of them. Don’t assume they consider you supportive because you’re related. Buy the coffee from their coffee shop. Buy the beer they just brewed from their new brewery. Buy the new sandwich from their food truck. Buy the CD they just released. Download the new single on iTunes. Stop trying to get free shit from them. They can’t pay their bills if they are working 10 hours a day on their dream and you are expecting to get it for free because you’re their friend or their mom or their first cousin. Be supportive!! A little support goes a long way.
Completely agree about letting go of expecting anything from anybody else. I’m the same way. It probably explains why I’ve continued writing for as long as I have – it’s certainly not because I have an audience at all 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I love your writing. 💕