Welcome to Ask Roulette. A different kind of advice column. All questions can be submitted via the Facebook page or Here!! Ask away….
This is for entertainment purposes only. All advice received should be recognized as unprofessional advice fro a professional smart-ass.
Also, sex questions pretty much make it to the top. Would you expect anything less?
My husband and I have had a decline in our sex life. He attributes it to me being tired- duh, cooking, cleaning, homework with the kids, oh and work. But I attribute it to him. I can’t make love to someone that is glued to their phone conversing with everyone, including an ex. I am tired, I will always be, but I make time for loving when he is not doing the above. He doesn’t even try to touch me. My gut tells me he has checked out. What is your advice?
Gut tells me go
We have literally become attached to our phones. It’s a major problem. I don’t know that I would worry so much about who he’s talking to, since you were the one he married, but I would definitely have a conversation about it. Maybe make a “no phones in the bed” rule and go to bed at a decent hour so you can get some hanky panky time in. Since your hubby likes being on his phone so much, you could also try some flirty text messages and dirty pictures out of the blue. For instance, get the kids to bed, go to your room, shower (and yes, shave your legs and other things if he likes it that way), take a few pics with a flirty message, like “dessert is waiting.” Or you could just go straight in for the kill. Get between his legs even if he’s on his phone, start giving him a BJ and when he gets into it, stop and tell him to put the phone down and meet you in the bedroom, or the back yard or wherever it is you want to get your freak on. Focus less on his phone addiction and more on your desired outcome. Good luck.
What is the best time to not have sex?
I’m not sure I understand the question. I think every time is a good time to have sex. There are no bad times for sex… unless your partner is dead or an animal. Then both of those are terrible times to have sex. In a perfect world, if you can have sex whenever you want it, that is exactly the time to have it.
What to do when your marriage turns into more of a sibling relationship? (I dont know anybody that wants to make out with their brother).
Cersi Lannister. She always wants to make out with her brother (that’s a Game of Thrones reference). But to answer your question in my honest opinion, if the sexual attraction is gone in your marriage but you still want sex, maybe you should talk to your brother husband about it. Maybe he feels the same way or maybe he feels differently. Maybe you should explore the idea of opening up the sexual part of your relationship. If sex is no longer on the table for you two, it should not be off the table altogether if you desire it. Sex is a natural act. I am not suggesting that you cheat. I’m suggesting that you talk about options with your better half, because if you have graduated to friends and a brother/sister type relationship, that relationship is the one that should be nurtured. Sex is just sex. You can get that from anyone. Friendship and love is forever.
How do you teach yourself to let go of jealous tendencies? It’s not as easy as it seems!
I guess you have to first evaluate why you are jealous? Is your jealousy warranted? Did the person you are with cause you the jealousy or is this baggage that you brought with you into your current situation? If the jealousy is due to something your current partner did, then I think you have to re-evaluate your situation. You can’t live your life being jealous or worrying that whatever caused the jealousy is going to happen again. That will kill a relationship quick, but then again, maybe that person is a piece of shit and just really can’t be trusted. You have to trust your gut on this one. But if you are the problem and you are bringing the jealousy into a brand new unwarranted situation, you better get that shit in check. You have to trust people until they give you a reason not to. You can’t distrust everyone until they prove themselves to you. I would suggest a few options:
therapy- talk to a professional about what you are feeling and why
sixty seconds- before saying something you will regret, pause for sixty seconds and think about how feasible your accusation really is.
change- change the way you look at things and the things you look at change- you have to give the benefit of the doubt until you are proven wrong. Self talk goes a long way in fixing the fucked up parts of your head – trust me- I know first hand.
Communication- make sure you talk to your partner and let him/her know that it’s not them, it’s you, because it’s totally you. You’re fucked up, you’ve been fucked over, it’s you.
The last thing you want to do is push away the best thing that has happened to you because of the shitty things that have happened to you.