Mama Bear Had to Sit This One Out

It’s no secret that parents do not like to see their children hurting or angry. Especially for reasons beyond their control. We all know that it’s really hard to put the mama bear back in her cage once someone lets her out. My son called me last night. Livid. He was probably more upset than I’ve ever heard him, except for when his little brother got in trouble for having that gun . Otherwise, he’s a pretty even tempered guy. So his dad, who I’ve mentioned briefly at times (he’s the one who left his dog here), was staying with him for a while, but he refused to get a job and work like a normal adult. So Bradley, coming from a no nonsense home, tells him if he’s not going to make an effort, he has to get out. I would never do or say anything to come between my kids and their dads. We didn’t work out, it shouldn’t have a reflection on the kids. Plus, the truth always comes out in the end. Bradley has seen the truth a time or two. He has loaned his dad money, and he never paid him back. He has seen his dad all junked out on pills and he hates it. I’ve never had to say a bad word about his dad, because he is fully in control of the impression he has left on his kid. Even when his dad left the dog here and didn’t come back, Bradley said, “Mom, what do you expect, he abandoned his kid most of his life. Why the fuck do you think he cares about a dog?” Sad, but true. So, like I said, he called me because he came home from work and his door was open and his dad’s shit was there on the porch. That wouldn’t have been so bad, but his rent money was missing from inside. And this kid works his ass off. Day in and day out, he hustles for every penny he gets. He isn’t paid a salary or even an hourly wage. He’s a tattoo artist and a painter. He makes his money on a daily basis by appointment or by selling something he has painted. So when he called me to tell me that his dad had taken over $300 from him, I could tell how mad and angry he was. Mostly by the number of “fucks” he was throwing around, but also because I know how hard he works. And I know his work ethic. Both of my kids were out of the house and on their own by 18. Maybe because it sucks living with me or maybe because they are productive go-getters. It’s anybody’s guess, but for him to get ripped off for half of his rent probably pissed me off as much as it pissed him off. And I felt really bad about it, but then there was that small little part of me that wanted to go to his house and shake him and say, “have you learned nothing from me?” But I guess that would be hard to do considering I’ve tried repeatedly to help him out as well, because we are the only family he has. But he’s one of those people that nothing is ever his fault. He could run his car in to a brick wall and it would be the gas pedals fault or the brakes fault. But not his. Even if he was shit face drunk and holding a bag of cocaine in his butthole and had a mouth full of pills, it still wouldn’t be his fault.  He has never in his life taken responsibility for anything. And he only apologizes when there is a need for something from whoever he is throwing his apology at. The worst part about it is that he’s so charming. And likable. So you want to believe what he is saying. So I can’t fault my kid for believing this guy. After all, it is his father. I hate that he lost his rent money. And I hope it doesn’t turn him against all people. I hate that he lost his trust in his dad. But more than anything I hate that after all the protecting I did for years while he was growing up, that I wasn’t able to stop him from getting his heart broken. It seems like that was all I did his whole life growing up. I made it seem like everything was fine. I made it seem like his dad tried he just couldn’t do what regular people do. I probably didn’t help the situation, but I always refused to bad mouth him even if I knew the truth. I know Bradley will make the money back. He was on his hustle all day, painting and drawing. But he would have been any way so that he could get ahead, not so he could make up for what his dad took from him. I guess I just hate watching my kids have to learn the hard lessons. But I guess we can’t protect them forever. We all have our lessons to learn.