And Then There Was Mail

I finally got my mailbox put up today. I’ve had to go to the post office for the last month to collect my mail because Zeus traumatized the mailman.  I knew the day was coming that I wouldn’t be able to pick up the mail. That day was yesterday. I went to get my mail and the very nice (not so nice) postal worker told me it was the last day they would hold my mail. If I didn’t have a box put up by the street, I’d either have to pay for a P.O. box or they would return the mail to sender. Obviously, I couldn’t have that. So I went to the Knox Rail Salvage where they have a little bit of everything and bought a mailbox and a wooden post. By the time I got home it was too late to put the box up. Not too late, really, just too dark. You know the time change has it getting dark at four and feeling like midnight by six. So I was not in the mood to be digging a hole in the dark. The only time I will ever do that is if I am burying a body.

So I let it go for the night. I had big plans on getting up and digging the hole at sunrise. I don’t really know what time the mail runs because they haven’t delivered it for a month so I don’t really pay attention to what time the dogs go crazy, but they go crazy more than once a day so it could be anybody’s guess. They go crazy when the wind blows, they go crazy when there is a squirrel outside, they go crazy when someone walks by, they go crazy when there’s a cat or another dog, they really go crazy when someone goes by on a bike and they go crazy when the mailman comes by. I’ve learned to tune out the barking the same way I learned to tune my kids out when they would say, “mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom” when they were little. So I wanted to make sure that I got the mailbox in the ground and all set up before he came.

I didn’t realize that it was pouring down rain when I woke up. I should have because my power went out three times last night as I slept. And I only know that because that’s how many times my fish tank woke me up with the filter restarting.  I wasn’t so determined to get the box put up that I was willing to go out into the cold rain to do it. I just decided I would wait for the rain to quit. That happened around 10ish. So I went outside with the post hole digger and started digging until my little heart was content. Just kidding, I started digging until my shoulders started hurting and then I had my kid help. The rain was a blessing though because the ground was super soft (wet) and the hole was fairly easy to dig. So I half-assedly stuck the pole in the hole and packed the dirt around it. No, I did not concrete it in. Partly because I didn’t buy any concrete the other day and partly because I don’t plan on it being there forever and partly because I wanted to see how long it would stand upright before the mailman knocked it over by slinging my mail in it and hurriedly shutting the door so the dogs don’t come out the window.

So the post was in the ground and I was getting ready to put the box on it and guess what? There was no fucking hardware. So the mailbox wouldn’t actually sit on the post. So I took it back to the store and tried to return it for a mailbox with the hardware that was pictured on the side of the box showing how to assemble said mailbox. But like every Christmas present that needs batteries, the accessories were not included. It was in the fine print. But then the guy at the store cut me a piece of wood to screw on top of the post and only charged me $2 for it. I knew there was a reason I didn’t wear a bra today.

So I got home and screwed two of the four screws in and broke the screwdriver with my superhuman twisting power. Had to go to the store and buy a new screwdriver. Finished putting the stupid thing together and now I have a mailbox so I will always get my bills.

Isn’t life grand?


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