And Just Like That It Was Over

I guess sometimes problems solve themselves. Nate broke up with me today. Not that I should be surprised. I guess it was partly my doing. I won’t say fault because nobody is at fault in this situation. When you get to know someone, it takes more than a couple of days. Or even a couple weeks before you decide you love someone and can spend the rest of your life with them. Nate was quick to jump the gun. He told me he loved me. He even gave me his spare key one morning after I had spent the night and he had to go in to work before me. I gave it back the next day because it kind of freaked me out. But I did leave my spare toothbrush in his bathroom because for the week of Fall break, I was there almost every night. I think I showered at his house more than I showered at mine last week. And I didn’t even get sick of him or his little weird quirks. I found them endearing. Well, most of them. We had a good run while it lasted. The sex was good. The conversations were interesting. But in the end, we were just too different….for him. I was willing to see where it was going. Mostly because I know the predictable stuff. I know the guys I usually pick. And I always know where that is going. But Nate and I were a little too different, I guess.

It was brought to my attention as we stood out on his patio talking. We were talking about working. I’m never really satisfied when it comes to working for other people. I feel very much like a third wheel on a date when I walk into someone else’s company to work for them. I am doing everything in my power to make sure that their company is a success. And I don’t hate it. I love seeing other people succeed. And I love helping other people succeed. But other people’s success makes me feel less successful. The truth of the matter is that I’ve always just worked jobs and done it this long and worked for other people this long because I have had kids to support. And I know that is coming to an end soon. In one year and 9 days to be exact (but who is counting).

And Nate and I were talking and he was saying that I should take advantage of this job that I have now and go as far as I can with the company. In all reality, I am probably as far as I can go with the company. And it’s a great company, but it’s not my company. There’s no health insurance. There’s no 401K. Hell, it’s not even a public company so I can’t even get stock in it. So when I told him that I probably wouldn’t be there much longer than the two or three-year mark, it turned into a whole different discussion. Nate is a realist. He is practical and very adult. I am impulsive and at times immature, and always give in to my whims. I’m a dreamer. I’m an optimist. When my last kid is grown and living his life, I want to travel and see things and do things. I don’t care what I have to do to pay for those things. I want to write. I want to enjoy sunrises and sunsets. I want to take pictures and smell flowers. I’m very sure of the fact that I am not everybody’s cup of tea. So when I asked him if my gypsy soul was going to be a problem, he candidly said that it probably would in the long run. And so we called it quits.

Well, he called it quits. I thought his practicality and groundedness would be good for me in some form, but the universe knows what it’s doing and maybe I really am just supposed to stay single and not try to share my life with anyone. Or maybe this blog is the way I share my life with everyone and maybe that’s the way it is supposed to be. Or maybe my relationship with unboyfriend is the best kind of relationship for me. Either way, I’m not sad or discouraged. It was fun while it lasted, but really, I have no business dating someone who never gets bored with just staying in. I get bored at the thought of it. And like flea market guy, I don’t want him to feel like he always has to entertain me. Because I know how that can be utterly exhausting. And I guess in the big scheme of things, I wasn’t someone who thinks it’s cool that I play words with Friends in English and in Spanish. He thought it was weird since I don’t speak Spanish, but isn’t that a good way to learn???

Oh well, at least I learned how to make firewater…

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