The Great Cake Hunt

My mom’s birthday is today. A week or so ago, she asked me if I would go pick up her birthday cake the day before. I always pick up her birthday cake. And then she has this tradition where everybody goes by her house and signs her birthday shirt and eats some cake.

My sister had a red velvet cake on her birthday last week and my mom wanted the same one. “It was just so good,” she said. So I was on a mission to get the cake. I didn’t have to go far because she wanted it from Kroger. Easy enough. There are three within 5 miles of my house.

And I had to go to all 3.

The first Kroger I went to, had the red velvet cake she wanted. It was kind of small so I grabbed another one with balloon frosting on it. It was super cute. So I went to the bakery counter and asked the guy behind the counter if he could write something on the cake. He said he could. And then this happened:


At first, I thought I would take the cakes home anyway. I mean, who cares if the cakes look like they were decorated by a child or a man having a stroke, right? And who cares if the writing is basically upside down on the balloon cake. My thoughts were, “we are just going to eat it anyway.” But every time I went down another isle looking at the cake, I just could not bring myself to actually get them and give them to my mother for her birthday. So then I made a real dick move. I just left them in the cart in the middle of aisle 7. And went to Kroger #2.

Kroger #2 was out of the red velvet cake. My mom really loved the red velvet. She had told me if they didn’t have it then I could get any cake, but what kind of daughter would I be if I got her any old cake. Plus, I wanted to get two because I wanted to get one with the saying that she wanted “Look at me, I’m 63!” and I wanted to get her one that said what I wanted it to say “OLD AF!” because she wouldn’t know what it meant and I thought it was funny. (That means old as fuck, in case you don’t know either). But like I said, there was no red velvet. So I looked at some of the other cakes. And then I asked the hundred year old lady at the bakery if she could write on a cake. She said yes. Then I asked her if she could do it better than the picture above. And she said, “let me get someone else.” Strike two. I decided not to get a cake there either and just go to the Krogs that is near my house that I usually shop at.

I found the red velvet cake. And I found a fun rainbow cake. I went to the bakery counter and asked the lady if SHE could write on a cake. She looked at me and said, “nope.” and called her co-worker over. So I asked her if SHE could write on a cake. She said yes. Then I asked her on a scale of 1-10. One being, I’d be better off doing it myself or 10 being she’s the best there is, how good was she at writing on a cake? She said she had been doing it for 12 years but she was no calligraphist. I figured that was good enough. And I ended up with this:


I was so relieved. Jeci at Krogers aka the cake master aka Petty Crocker saved the day! And just so you don’t have to scroll up, here are the two cakes again.


So yea. Jeci (pronouned Jessie) is a hero! And all is well in the world.

Happy Birthday, Mom!

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