Easter Weekend Was a Win for the Yard

Flea Market Guy and I spend part of the weekend doing more yardwork. It’s like a never ending battle with the weeds and trees and sticks. Last weekend, we worked on the front and front side of the house. I am pretty in love with the chainsaw my sister got us for Christmas. It’s really small, but, man, does it cut through pretty much anything. I’ve thought about what it would be like to murder someone with a chainsaw, but everytime I get to cutting in the weedy section of the yard, the chain pops off and I think that’s more like what it would be like. Then I’d have to pull skin out of the chain and maybe it would never cut a tree limb again. Who knows. Plus, I don’t really have anyone I’d like to murder. I think I just watch too many horror and guts movies. I’m really too nice to kill. I like to kill people with kindness (haha, yes, I think I’m funny).

Anyway, we got most of the front done last weekend. This weekend we started tackling the back. Well, FMG started tackling the back while I was delivering Instacart groceries. When I got home, he had the front yard mowed and was working his way to the back.

We have a big oak tree in the back yard. I’ve named him “Barkley.” Every year, he’s all covered up with ivy and he has vines running through him that I can never get at. And while he is still alive, I think the ivy and the other vines are squeezing the life out of him. And I really don’t want to lose him. He’s my favorite tree.

FMG decided to start cutting on the vines. There were a couple big ones that start at the base of the tree and go all the way up 30+ feet. Once he got the bottom part cut, the top was just hanging. I thought I would be queen shit and climb the tree so I could take the part of the vine that was hanging and bring it over to the other side so we could pull it down, but I got to the top of the ladder, which is only about 10 feet (or less) and I chickened out because I’m afraid of heights. Flea Market Guy said I’m not scared of heights, I’m just scared of falling. Maybe that’s a fair assessment. Either way, I came back down the ladder unsuccessful. Lucky for me, FMG had his cape on that day and he climbed up the ladder and into the tree and pulled the vine over to the other side. He was going to George of the Jungle it and swing to the ground, but he thought better of it and just came down by way of the ladder.

While he was doing that, I was getting my lasso skills in order. I took the clothesline down because if we pulled some of the limbs it would have taken the whole line down. As I was taking the line down, I realized I could use the end of it as a weight and just throw the rope (aka the clothesline) up in the tree wrapping it around a branch and pulling said branch down. So I spun the weighted end around and around and around and finally let it fly. And much to my amazement, it actually worked and wrapped itself around the limb and I was able to pull it down. And then, I pulled that move off a second time. By that time I was getting a little full of myself. So I thought I could throw it and hook it on the vine so I tried again and…. well, I failed. But FMG didn’t and we were able to get the vine down and a bunch of ivy along with it. It was like the sky opened up. The tree was no longer littered with parasitic growth. After we got his canopy looking good, I thought I should work on his trunk just a bit. I pulled all the ivy off and cut it from the bottom so hopefully it won’t grow back and then I gave him a really big hug and told him that I hoped he felt better and I hoped we didn’t hurt him too much cutting those weeds off him. He didn’t answer, but I think he felt happy. Flea Market Guy just smiled and probably rolled his eyes a little while I hugged and talked to the tree. You’d think he would be used to it by now, but maybe it’s one of those things you never really get used to.

After getting Barkley all fixed up we decided to take down a leaning tree that was near the fence. I was skeptical that the little chainsaw would do it, but FMG was hell bent on getting that tree down and he did, but it fell right on Barkley. Not much, but enough to make me go over and talk to him again to make sure he was OK. From there FMG mowed the back half of the yard that was pretty overgrown and still a little wet and I cut up the fallen tree and put it in our brush pile. By the end of the day, we had cleared two thirds of the yard. We still haven’t gotten to the back back. That’s what I like to call it. We have the front yard. The front of the back yard. The back back. And the behind the fence. So next weekend we will work on the back back. There is one mulberry bush/tree that may or may not come down. I really like the mulberries it gives. And then there are a couple other trees that have sprouted that will need to come down.

Our brush pile is about 10 feet tall in the back yard. Maybe it will dry out and we can burn it or maybe we will be able to put it by the street and have the city pick it up.

All in all, I think it was a pretty productive weekend. Except for the Yucca.

I hate Yucca. But that’s a story for another day….

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