Well, I spent yesterday pretty much wrapped in a blanket burrito binge watching All-American on Netflix. It’s like for every 3 days I walk around downstairs pretending everything is “just fine” and being productive, day 4 leaves me waking up in utter despair and nearly unable to muster the energy to even speak to anyone in the house.
I don’t know how long it will take for me to get out of this funk. I guess it doesn’t help that winter is upon us. The clocks turn back on Saturday and so will my lack of seasonal depression. I think parts of my mood are just my annual bout of SAD and the other parts are the resentment that I can’t seem to work through alone.
I thought about maybe making a therapy appointment, but then decided that the $75 I had would be better spent on a massage. I’m not sure that my brain agrees but my back that has been lifting and unloading the house that we don’t get to leave now appreciated it.
In the process of all of this, we ended up renting to portable pods from a company called UNITS (which I would not recommend) and then we ended up using our last free month at U-Haul that they gave us in January when we had to rent a truck from them on two separate occasions to get all of our stuff here.
Last week, we unloaded pod #1. It was mostly full of stuff from the attic and things from the house that we weren’t using on a daily basis like the fine china and the blue plates that hung on the dining room walls. The pod that is coming today contains the rest of the stuff in the house that was useful but not used daily like my bookshelves and books, mother in law’s sewing tables, plus more of the attic.
After we get that unloaded today, we have about two weeks to get the stuff out of the U-Haul storage before we have to start paying. That storage unit is full of quilts, pictures, and the rest of the stuff that was in the attic.
Yes, there was a ton of stuff in the attic. Some of it was still in boxes from when they moved into this house in 2001 or before. Some of it was Christmas decorations, last used in 2019, and then some of it was stuff of ours (in the second attic) that we brought and didn’t unpack because we thought we would be moving shortly after dealing with this mess.
I guess it’s true what they say, “if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.”
Although, through all of this and lots of other things in my life, I’m not all that worried about making God laugh, because I’m not so convinced anymore that God even exists. I threw the idea of Jesus as the son of God out the window long ago. I prefer the idea of Jesus as a prophet, the same way Muhammad was a profit and Joseph Smith was a profit and on and on and on. But that’s a discussion for a later day.
For today, I woke up feeling better again and I will see if I can pretend to be ok for more than a three day stretch this time. I will put my books back on their shelves. I will hang the blue plates back up on the dining room walls. I will try to make this a place that feels like a family lives in it and not just a bunch of ghosts.
Leave a Reply