I’m Not a Slut, I Just Waxed My Face

In an effort to take my own advice and do something for me, I decided to wake up bright and early to wax my face. Men will never understand the pain of trying to be beautiful. Normally I don’t care. You already know my armpits most of the time look like I’m trying to smuggle a small animal on a plane. And don’t even get me started on my legs. Am I in Florida or am I having sex today? No? Then I’m not shaving! But my face is different and I’m usually on top of it but I’ve been slacking lately. But not today. Today I went all out not at a salon, but in my bathroom, with those very convenient heat and stick wax strips. Brows. Waxed. Upper Lip. Waxed. Chin. Waxed. Why do women even get chin hair? I don’t even know who in my family I need to blame for this. I could blame my mother, but I blame her for everything else. I think I’ll give her break this time. Maybe my grandmother? She’s dead and can’t defend herself so I’m on the fence there, too.

Seriously, though, the problem with waxing your lip and chin is that it turns your face completely red. The eyebrows it doesn’t really matter because it just makes you look like you are really excited. People know there is something different but they can’t quite figure out that your unibrow has reached mitosis and split into two perfect normal eye brows.  But your lip and chin? Waxing those always makes my mouth area so red it looks like I just gave an entire football team head.  And I always know it’s going to look like that, but still I wax and  then I go for hours not wanting to leave the house, but it’s all in the name of beauty. I don’t want to be one of those hairy chinned women. Especially not the ones who get so frustrated they wind up shaving their chins one day and then it turns into a slippery slope of shaving cream, razor blades, and 5 O’clock shadows. I guess at the end of the day, I’d rather look like I gave a blow job than look like I need one.

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2 thoughts on “I’m Not a Slut, I Just Waxed My Face

  1. with every entry i have a favorite line; this one got me this go around: “People know there is something different but they can’t quite figure out that your unibrow has reached mitosis and split into two perfect normal eye brows. ” — yep.

    Liked by 1 person

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