Sometimes I wonder if I just have a knack for attracting shitty, toxic people or if the majority of people are just shitty and toxic. I really hope it’s the former, because the latter would be pretty depressing, but I’ve known a lot of toxic people. From friends to strangers to lovers, I’ve had my fill. In the last two years, though, I’ve adopted a new way of thinking that says I don’t need negative people in my life. I’ve had my fair share of practice turning off the negativity. It took me almost 40 years to learn how to turn it off in my own head and since people don’t like to be positive and misery loves a full house, I choose to clean house whenever necessary. Metaphorically, of course, because we all know I need a handful of Adderall to clean house literally.
Everybody says that social media causes all these problems. People are too connected and not connected enough at the same time. Cell phones make us lazy. Everybody knows everything about anyone they want. And to an extent, I completely agree. Someone said to me recently, “you make it really easy to find you.” My reply, “I have no reason for people not to find me.” I’ve made it easy over the years mostly for the sake of my youngest child. I make sure I’m easy to find on the off chance his father’s side of the family wants to find him. It’s been 14 years, though, so I’m not holding my breath. But aside from being able to make yourself readily available to people, the opposite is also true. From cell phones to social media, my favorite feature, by far, is the block button.
I have a block list a mile long. It’s full of toxic people. I am too nice by nature. I can be an asshole if I need to be, but it’s a very rare occurrence and honestly if I get to the point of being an asshole to you, I’ve probably already dug a hole out in a field somewhere or have scoped out nearby pig farms to feed your body to. I’m not proud of this, it’s just one of my many character flaws. Needless to say, the block button has saved numerous lives, I’m sure, and has saved me from numerous life sentences. But it took some time to get to where I am. I used to be way too nice. If someone called me repeatedly, I would eventually give up my resolve to not answer and I would not only answer the phone, but I would let whoever I was avoiding get the best of me and make me angry and upset. Then I learned that I am the one in control of my emotions. Nobody else can make me feel anything. I give power to all those feelings. And I have found that blocking people helps give me time to ponder situations, think about how I want to respond, and decide if I even need to unblock that person and if they even need to continue to be in my life. Most of the time I never unblock a person. Only twice in the last little bit have I unblocked people. The first person was my unboyfriend. I always block him when I stop seeing him, at least for a few days, to keep myself from responding if he does decide to text me. And the second person was my friend New York. We have differences of opinion, a lot, and we have a tendency to be able to piss each other off within minutes, if that’s our intention. But in the end, we are friends, and we love each other, so even if I block him, I always unblock him, usually after he calls me from a different number and says, “you can unblock me now, ass.”
Blocking people is better than therapy. And I really love blocking people on Facebook. When you block someone on Facebook, it’s like you never existed. All your messages, all your tags, all your information just mysteriously disappears from your foes page. It’s really a lovely feature. I’ve had to do it once with a disgruntled girlfriend. Not mine, someone else’s. Her (ex) man was trying to talk to me via messenger and she was not ready to be single just yet. I ended up having to block her, her sister, her mom, the ex, and a couple of her friends because they were sitting in the front of the crazy train and it was headed straight toward me. And of course there’s the people I don’t know who want to spam my page and sell their shoes or sunglasses. Not today, buddy, not today. By blocking people, it’s like a little tiny weight has been lifted.
People who stress you out and cause negativity to invade your space do not have to be tolerated. I don’t care who they are. I’ve blocked friends (well they were until they got blocked), men who weren’t my type but couldn’t get the hint, people who made me mad that served no purpose in my life, and sadly, family members. I blocked one of my aunts not too long ago and I love her to pieces, but she has a twisted world perspective that does not fit into the drama free honest way I choose to live my life. And although it probably hurt my feelings more than it did hers, in the end, it was the right thing for me. Self-preservation is the key to happiness. Please don’t confuse that with selfishness. I firmly believe it is not selfish to do what is best for you. For me, I have found my self-preservation through the block button.