My Bucket List

I went out for a day out on the town with my mom today. I don’t do that near enough, partly because I don’t have a car and she wont ride the bus with me, but I had my sister’s car today and so we went to eat pizza and watch Me Before You. Without spoiling anything, one of the characters mentioned a bucket list. I have a small obsession with making my bucket list. I have never really written it down. I just keep it in a little page in my mind. Today, though, I decided that is a terrible idea, mostly because my  mind is basically a bowl of smashed potatoes and my memories are the fork marks overlapping each other and disappearing into the chaos. So I thought maybe I should make a bucket list. I’m not sure if I could even begin to cover all of the things that I would like to accomplish before I kick the bucket, so I may randomly add to it in a blog called My Bucket List Part 2, or My Bucket List Part 3, or 4 or 5. My point is, I reserve the right to rewrite this list as often as possible. Just as a starting point, here are some of the things I have on my list. I would say in no particular order, but I would like the first few to be in this particular order.

  • Win the Mega Millions (preferably this evening) so I can do all of the following and help people. I will be sure to give all of you a little piece. I’m pretty certain I know which 32 people are reading this faithfully. Thanks for that 😉
  • Laser Hair Removal (all over) because today I went to the grocery store and as I was walking around I realized that I was wearing shorts and I couldn’t remember the last time I shaved my legs. I was so terrified to look down I almost didn’t, but luckily, I must have recently or else my leg hair miraculously turned translucent. Also, laser hair removal because… chin hair.
  • Dinner with Kymani Marley (I refuse to give up on this dream). 
  • Radio show hostess, preferably syndicated, because I think my fear of public speaking would be a non issue if people weren’t looking at me. I could be funny and invisible at the same time. I think the FCC would have to lighten its language rules before I could have my own show or maybe I would have to find a world that is as favorable to me as fuck. What? It could totally happen.
  • Travel… I don’t even know where to begin with this. There are so many places I want to see. I would start with the “lands.” Iceland, Greenland, Ireland, Poland, Scotland, England and then make my way to  Italy, France, Africa, and all parts of the Caribbean. And of course, I want to visit the big landmarks in all of our 50 States. I feel like I may not live long enough to see everything.
  • Ride a horse and not just on a little guided tour. I want to really ride a horse, jeans, cowboy boots, hat and all. I know it seems silly, but I love horses. I love everything about them. I love how beautiful they are. I love their piercing eyes and I love the way they smell. I want to ride until my ass hurts and the horse looks at me like, “are we done yet?”
  • I want to sail out into the middle of the ocean. Not on a cruise ship either. On a sailboat or some other smaller than a cruise ship vessel.
  • I want to take dance lessons- salsa, swing, ballroom. If it has music, I want to be able to dance to it.
  • I want to learn to paint, play the piano, take beautiful photos, & decorate cakes.
  • And more than anything, I want to write about doing all those things.

Like I said, I’m sure there are many more things to add to this list and I will from this day forward keep the list in my notepad and add to it as I find new things that I want to do before I take my last breath.

Speaking of my notepad. I know I have mentioned her sketchy contents a time or two. I use my notepad a lot. Whenever a random thought pops into my head, I write it down, just in case I have some sort of writer’s block and can’t figure out what to blog about. I figure it will come in handy one day. The problem with the notes, though, is that sometimes I write things and forget what the hell I meant or where I was going with it, so I thought I would drop a few examples below. It may hit me one day what I wanted to write about that so if it pops up again, you’ll know that one night I sat upright in my bed and started furiously writing because the whole train of thought came chugging back to me at the witching hour.

  • Poets not Warriors (I think I know where this one was going…stay tuned).
  • I’m Like a Suicidal Tightrope Walker (don’t know what I was thinking but I’m fond of this idea).
  • The Things I won’t do for love or money, I’d probably do for really great sex (hmmm?)
  • I might be a groupie (Ha! That’s self explanatory).
  • Who the fuck is Carrie Bradshaw?
  • Maybe I like shady men because they have no room to judge my poor life choices
  • I fell in love and then left it to rot like an apple with one bite taken out
  • I wonder if The Tomato Head would give me a date booth with a camera so I could show people what the fuck I’m dealing with (obviously this was pre-Derek).
  • How can I miss something that was so wrong for me?
  • I am an item of contention among mediocre relationships
  • I sleep with my laptop as if it were my lover
  • She’s had so many dicks in her the condom factory is jealous (my personal favorite and I have no idea what I was thinking about at this moment).

The previous bullets are why I say that if I ever lose my phone, I hope whoever finds it and is unable to unlock it will delete all my notes before they recover my body wherever it is. And those were just a few I had in my Gmail notes. I still have 154 other notes in my iCloud notes that are much stranger than the above. I think maybe, just maybe, I shouldn’t be able to wander the streets alone with just my thoughts and my phone. Then again, how else will I entertain myself if not with thoughts of my impending death and all the things I want to do before that day and, of course,  with small pieces of my psychosis peppered in just for the hell of it?


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