Trick or Treat

I got home tonight right before 6pm. I had a slight panic attack because I knew I would probably have a few trick or treaters and I didn’t have any candy in the house, which is not really a surprise because Mel, my kiddo, is like a corn syrup junkie despite my best efforts.  So I raced to the dollar store and bought two bags of candy. One was tootsie roll candies, because Mel likes those and the other was caramel cream candies, because I like those. And on the off chance that there were no visitors, we could enjoy our candy. I got it home, put it in a bowl and then turned on the tv. Of course, there was the usual scary stuff. Halloween4 was playing. I guess I probably watched it when I was little, but I wasn’t in the mood tonight. So I scrolled through On Demand and saw a movie called Mr. Right. I put it on and the opening scene was a girl taking selfies of her boobs. Mel was like, “Mom, this is real good to have playing when kids come.” But it quickly went from sex to straight up violence and murders, so it seemed rather appropriate, plus it was a comedy.

So the first trick or treater comes and I go out to meet him with my bowl of candy. He says, “trick or treat.” I say, “what are you supposed to be?” because he isn’t wearing a costume at all. He says, “A kid?” He was wearing a ballcap, so I say, “maybe go with baseball player, you’ll get more candy.” Then I gave him some candy and went inside. Then, three little Asian kids came dressed as princesses and spider man maybe? So I gave them some candy. Mel was in the house getting all pissed off because I was giving the candy away. After that, it pretty much went downhill and the only people that came were kids who go to Mel’s high school. And so I thought to myself, “Self, next year, you need to do something bigger than buying some last  minute tootsie rolls.”

That being said, I’ve officially decided that next year, I will go all out with the decorations. I may even put a sign in the front yard at the beginning of the month with an arrow pointing to the house that says, “THIS HOUSE WILL HAVE FULL SIZE CANDY BARS ON HALLOWEEN.” You know, so the kids can put me on their route when planning on how to get the most loot, because that’s what kids do. My friend Crystal’s mom used to always give out full size candy bars and that was all my kids cared about. We always did Halloween in her neighborhood just for the one full sized candy bar. I want to be that lady next year and the rest of the years to come. I thought about getting together with the neighbors to see if they wanted to do a block thing and all of us hand out candy and decorate, but then it dawned on me that I would have to talk to that wretched woman on the corner and the only decoration I would even care to see in front of her house is a casket, with her in it. Bless her heart (that’s Tennesseean for she is a fucking terrible person, but also goes to church religiously and I despise her hypocritical ways). So, maybe I will just do my own one woman show decoration thing. Who knows, but I love Halloween and I felt out of sorts this year because I didn’t dress up or anything. I was just boring and lame, which is not really my style. Well, it is, kind of, but not on Halloween!! So until next year…..

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