They say if you can master the art of procrastination, then you are a real writer. I think this week proves that I am as real as they come. I have managed to get sidetracked, Monday through Thursday. And today’s not looking too good either.
Things that have sidetracked me include: cleaning my house, cleaning other people’s houses, driving out of town to pick up a sink, giving my kid a ride to the eye doctor, taking my other kid to the dentist, taking my mom to an appointment, running a cater, becoming a drug dealer (aka picking my moms medicine up from CVS and delivering to her), and the all famous perusing the internet for jobs I don’t really want, but may have to take if I don’t get my shit together. I’m a little on the side of self-loathing at the moment, which I hear is also a good sign, but from where I’m sitting, I can’t tell.
Every possible thing that could get in the way this week has. I’ve written less than 2,000 words all week, I think. That’s usually a breeze for me to do daily. And as I look in the mirror, I know that it is nobody’s fault but my own. I have to buckle down and get serious. I am the queen of “I’ll make it up tomorrow,” but there is always something else tomorrow. So I have got to start doing it today. I feel like I’ve resolved to do this, but I always feel resolved.
It’s like my diet. I use the term loosely because I don’t really “diet” so much as I watch what I eat. Well, I used to watch what I ate, until I started working far from home and had to wake up too early to pack something and got home too late to feel like cooking so fast-ish food became my way of life for the last six months. And just like writing, I kept saying, “Tomorrow I’ll do better,” but tomorrow never came. So now I’m feeling fat and I want to blame everyone around me, especially those who don’t see me daily, for not saying, “hey, Ang, might want to think twice before putting that roll in your mouth” or “hey, you look a little ‘plumparific’ today, are you binge eating again?” But NOOOOOO…… everyone wants to be so fucking polite. I used to think I had friends, but friends don’t let friends get fat. So I guess I’m going it alone.
With that being said, I’m resolving to get back to my regular way of eating which includes, very little sugar, and absolutely no candy (which has been the issue of late) and no more genetically modified foods. It’s so easy to indulge in them, but I know they are awful for me and I know my body feels bad when I have too much processed, GMO food, so I’m going back to my organic, GMO-free ways and I’m going to get on the stick with this writing thing. I mean, after all, if I can’t take it serious enough to make a job out of it, then why on earth would any of you take me serious enough to spend your hard earned money reading something that I wrote. And you can’t exactly buy a story if it’s stuck in my head, right?
So I’m off…. If I can’t get on track by the end of the month (because these things don’t happen overnight) then I’m going to have to get another job (which I don’t want to do) that I’m going to work for six months (tops) and then most likely quit (not most likely, definitely) and then have to try and find another job (that will start the cycle all over again). And, I think I’m really getting too old for that shtuff. Don’t you?