There was a Wedding!

I’ve been missing in action from the blogosphere for a minute. It was nothing personal. And it wasn’t because I was depressed and/or my life was falling apart. Quite the opposite actually.

I guess I will go back to the beginning. My lovely (beautiful and most favorite) daughter told me in December that she and her girlfriend were going to get married in May.  I’m paraphrasing here, but she basically told me that they did not want to have a wedding (traditional or other) and they didn’t want anyone there. So, basically, the only way I was going to be invited would be if I got ordained and performed their wedding (no pressure).

So….. I did the only thing a mom could do. I went online and got ordained. I know, I know. You’re thinking, “what the fuck were they thinking giving you that kind of power!?!?” Don’t worry. I won’t let it go to my head, until I get ready to start that cult I’ve been dreaming of.

That happened in January. I’ve basically been keeping that little fact a secret, because I didn’t really know what excuse I could use to tell all my friends and family “hey, I can totally perform your wedding now!” So I’ve kept it under wraps.

Last weekend was the big day.

I drove to Ohio, where my daughter lives, carrying along a beautiful “non-wedding” cake in the back seat of my car. The bakery gave me specific instructions on how to travel with cake. “Keep it level and keep it cool.” No problem. My 2001 Honda with no air conditioning should be perfectly temperate on a late may day, right? Yea…. about that…..


The leaning cake, originally perfectly straight,  made by MagPies of Knoxville, TN

I brought two towels from home to wrap up the cake, went to Walmart and bought three bags of ice. I put one towel around the cake box, stacked the ice around the towel, a bag on each side and one underneath, placed the second towel around the ice to keep in the cool. The bag of ice underneath the cake was perfectly level. I thought I was a genius.

I did not take into account that my five hour drive may turn into six or that ice typically melts in a non-uniform fashion. Also, I may have forgotten to put a towel under the cardboard box between it and the sweating, melting bag of ice thus almost creating a    soggy mess, but, I made it to Ohio and the cake only looked like the leaning tower of Pisa, slightly. We put it in the fridge as soon as I got to my destination. It wasn’t going to be eaten until two days later. So, we went about our weekend (see tomorrow’s blog about why you should never invite me out).

You may not realize how stressful it is to prepare for a wedding that is not supposed to be a wedding. First, I had to come up with a “ceremony” that was not very “ceremonious.” And to add to that, it had to be less than 3 minutes long. My five minute idea was too emotional and neither bride wanted to cry. Ugh!! We made it to the big day. there were six of us. A small, intimate, not-so-secret gathering. It went off without a hitch. Pictures were taken, cake was eaten (the crookedness did not take away from the flavor), drinks were had, dinner was enjoyed. And my first born daughter is now a wife. It was definitely a proud parenting moment.



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