Ask Roulette

Welcome to Ask Roulette. A different kind of advice column. All questions can be submitted via the Facebook page or Here! Ask away…..

This is for entertainment purposes only. All advice received should be recognized as unprofessional advice from a professional smart-ass.

Also, sex questions pretty much make it to the top. Would you expect anything less?

Dear Roulette,

What’s the appropriate amount of time to get into another relationship after a breakup?

Time May Not Be On My Side

Dear Time,

They say the best way to get over somebody is to get under somebody new. And, although, I do believe, at times, this works, I think after ending a relationship it’s best to give yourself time to heal. Especially if it was a serious relationship and especially if you are the type to get attached easily. Treat yourself and your mind as you would your lungs or your liver if you were a smoker or a drinker who quit. As long as it took for the damage to occur, that’s probably how long you should give yourself to recover.  Example: if you were in a two year relationship, take two years before getting serious again. The thing about relationships is that a lot of us, including myself, have a tendency to lose ourselves when we find ourselves paired up with someone. It would be awesome if that pairing made us a better person, but that is the exception to the rule. Usually we lose the parts of ourselves that we used to love. I think it’s important that you find those parts again. Give yourself time to get to know who you are now, alone, before jumping to give yourself to someone else. Plus, how can anyone else get to know you, if you don’t know yourself?


Dear Roulette,

Is it wrong for me to call out a friend’s eating habits that’s supposed to be dieting? Would I be a good friend if I didn’t?

The Food Warrior

Dear Warrior,

You should definitely call out your friend on this matter. The issue will be the tact in which you do so. For instance, if you snort like a pig every time she takes a bite, that’s not very friendly behavior. Or if she makes poor food choices every time you are together and you say, “Damn, girl, I’d hate to see what your plate would look like if you weren’t dieting,” that’s not very friendly behavior. But, if you are truly concerned with your friend’s health, I do believe you should kindly nudge her in the right direction. Maybe something like, “I heard if you put half your food in a to go box before you start eating it, it helps you to reach your diet goals.” Or even, “we should definitely hit the track today for a walk after eating all this delicious food.”  Or, “I thought you said you were packing your lunch from now on? That is so much better than eating out, all the way around, here let me take those Snickers bars off your hands, not that my hips need them either, but yours definitely don’t.” Ok, well maybe only use half of that sentence. Just remember, you are friends for a reason, so it will likely never be what you say, but how you say it. Good luck and keep fighting the healthy fight!


Dear Roulette,

So I’ve passed on the monthly bleeding, the hairs on my chiny-chin-chin. Menopause is over but now my va-ja-ja is so dry it’s painful having sex. I love being a woman, but really….are there more surprises to come? Probably no answers, but can you offer some encouragement?

Dry as Sahara

Dear Sahara,

They are called surprises for a reason. We don’t know what they are or when they will pop up. Every woman is different, but if we’ve learned nothing else from 2016 and 2017, we have learned that coconut oil has multiple uses and your va-ja-ja is one of them. Along with the health benefits of coconut oil having antibacterial and antibiotic properties, it’s also a great lubricant. A little goes a long way and unless you are allergic to coconut, it is quite a nice feeling in your lady garden. Plus, if you get the unrefined (which I always recommend for bodily use), you will smell and taste like a tropical island when your partner decides to get frisky and goes deep sea fishing with his face.


Dear Roulette,

I mean, is it logical to meet a girl, talk to only once or twice and feel like this is the only girl in this world that has caught your attention? Considering that I actually know nothing of her personality, just whatever little conclusions that I came up with during our short encounters. My question, simply stated, is whether it is even rational to completely fall for someone that you know very little about. To see someone from a distance and genuinely believe that you want this single girl more than any other in this world? It should be noted that I had other, tangible and more realistic chances to be in a relationship with some beautiful girls, but no matter who I am with, I only think of her!

Crazy in Love

Dear Crazy,

I think it’s completely possible to love someone you don’t know. Love is a funny thing, but it’s not a rational thing… it’s like lightning, you never know when it’s going to strike. And depending where you are in your life, it may or may not be the right time. On the other hand, it is really easy to be in love with the idea of someone. You can make up a whole life in your head about how it would be and where you would live and what your kids would look like before you even know someone’s first name. I know… I’ve done it. One time in my life, I even put an ad on the missed connections on Craigslist in the hopes that someone I spent one night with and forgot to get his number would, on the slightest chance, happen to read it and message me back. He didn’t.  In this life, though,  anything is possible.  If you know how to get in touch with her, I say take a leap of faith and reach out to her. The only thing worse than her not reciprocating will be wondering “what if” for the rest of your life. Good luck!


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