Cougaring

I haven’t been approached by someone “my own age” in quite a while. I’m not terribly upset about it though. I’ve met lots of guys my own age. And a lot of them don’t have their shit together in one way or another. Not that I’m talking shit about that, because I don’t have my shit together either, really. Well, I guess I have my moments. Out of the ten guys I’ve met over the last six months, nine of them have been 30 or under. Five of them have totally (seemingly) had their shit together and have also been young enough to hang out with my oldest son (one of them has). At first, I was really self conscious about it, but then I realized that maybe I’m being stupid. Who cares, right? I mean, I’m not gonna lie, it may be kind of awkward meeting some dudes mother and finding out we could have gone to high school or college together, but if it were me, I wouldn’t give a shit if one of my boys dated an older woman. What they do after they turn 18 is completely their business, but then again, I am in the business of parenting my children to get the fuck out and live their own lives and not  being terminally immature children. Sadly, a lot of men my age have been raised to always want someone taking care of them or at least stroking their egos and/ or making them feel needed. It’s the younger ones who are independent and perfectly ok with just being. No pressure. No weird expectations. Just, “hey, let’s get together, have a good time and see what happens.” I’ve never had one of these young guys ask me, “what are you looking for?” Which is a very common question among older men on dating sites. It’s got to be in the top three conversation starters. And I’m always like, “Well, fuck, if I knew what I was looking for, I’d probably have it.” And then they are always like, “no really, what kind of guy do you want.” And then I’m like, “just keep in mind that you asked this stupid fucking question”……..So I say…

“I want a guy who doesn’t snore, who doesn’t have young kids, and if he does have young kids, I want those little fuckers to be well behaved and only around part time, someone who doesn’t care that I don’t eat meat and doesn’t make a big deal out of where we could possibly go to eat… honestly, every single restaurant in town serves vegetables and pasta pretty much. I will figure it out. I do it all the time when I’m alone. I also want someone who likes to laugh a lot, who will take me horse back riding even though I’ve never done it. Motorcycles are a plus. Cooking also a plus. Tattoos, yes, please. Boxer briefs, love them. He should know how to dance and like to do it. Maybe he will entertain the idea of roller skating when I bring it up because, after all, I do own my own pair of speed skates and I know how to use them. Punctual. I like a guy who shows up when he says he’s going to and a guy who makes plans ahead of time and sticks to them. Not that there is anything wrong with spur of the moment, but I really like to know if I have to shave my legs for a friday night date before he just calls and says, hey, ‘feel like grabbing something to eat in thirty minutes?’ Also, he will preferably have his own place or at least one that is not with his mother, or his kid’s mother. A place where we can go to be alone and get naked if we want…. without interruption. A nonsmoker. Someone who isn’t a drug addict is also a plus.”

I could literally go on and on. Which is why I feel like that is a terrible question to start a conversation off with. Do you really want to know what Inwant??? I didn’t think so. 

Do you know how young guys start off a conversation? “I’m hungry. Want to eat?” I can easily say “yes” and be done with it. And then we can have hour long conversations and do you know what they never ever bring up? Sex… I don’t know why that is. I guess because they can fuck whenever they want, if it happens, it’s cool, if it doesn’t that’s cool too. Men my age want to get fucked so bad, “I’m all alone and very hard.” That’s verbatim from a text I got while writing this.  I could probably start a prostitution ring if I wanted, which I don’t… yet.

Yes, I know I’m totally just rambling on. I guess I am trying to work out these feelings I’m having aloud….er, well in writing. I don’t know if I’m trying to talk myself into being ok with it or talk myself out of being ok with it, because I’m feeling pretty fucking content right now. And I don’t really care that there is a 10+ year age difference between me and pretty much every single person that has my number right now. Guys my age are gonna either have to step up their conversation game and their lighthearted fun having game or I’m gonna be cougaring for a while. Happily. 

Image may be subject to copyright. Taken from Kaz

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