RouletteWeekend

Dear Readers, I took your advice from yesterday (from the FB page) and I called him. He didn’t answer my call at first, which is when I had a whole speech prepared about what I was going to say. After his voicemail picked up, I hung up. I took a deep breath and I switched my focus to my grocery list. Of course, as soon as I pulled up to the grocery store, he called me back. My train of thought was gone and since it’s only really focused when I’m writing I probably sounded like an idiot, but I guess it doesn’t matter now because we resolved our issue. Or maybe I resolved my issue. I told him that I thought it was unfair that he was making it seem like the future had to be tomorrow (or yesterday) and he didn’t give me a chance to even attempt to figure out if I could work his plan into my plan. He seemed to think that I said all I needed to say when I said that I would be free in 2 years and he didn’t want to wait two years. Even though he refused to acknowledge the fact that I had JUST told him he didn’t give me a chance to process the whole situation. Nor did he argue or try to clarify when I told him it seemed like he wanted just anyone to start a family with and not necessarily me. Which was the wake-up call I needed I guess. Because I definitely don’t want to be “someone is better than no one.” So… this will be the last of Off the Record Trucker… Rest in Peace to our dead relationship….

On another note,  there really is no way to stress the importance of friendship. It is one of the most sacred gifts the universe could ever deliver to us. I happen to have been given the honor of having some of the best people walking the planet to call my friends. And it’s not just one or two. I have so many friends, that sometimes, I wonder how it’s even possible for my heart to hold all the love I have for them. Over the last few days, as I’ve been riding this roller coaster of emotions, they have all checked in on me and made sure that I’m ok or offered advice via the blog and I’m so thankful for you girls.

One of my friends (who shall remain nameless) even went as far as to call me and make me list my gifts (not my talents, which she clearly differentiated when I mentioned certain subjects). Normally, she’s the friend who calls to hear all the ways I’ve messed up in life so she can feel better about herself and crack jokes at my expense (in a super loving way) until she’s no longer in the dumps (after all, that’s true friendship, right?). But today, she was genuinely concerned that I was not going to be OK after having this small heartbreak/ rejection episode. So what did she do? She insisted that I tell her what some of my gifts were. So I started rambling off the first things that came to mind like patience, caring, loving… She was writing it down. Her list turned into this…

• Positive all the time no matter the situation
• Patience
• The ability to know when someone needs to be comforted versus when they need their space
• The ability to manifest things from the universe
• Mad parenting skills (that weren’t taught to me)
• Intuitive
• Ingenuity
• Coping skills (even though I wasn’t taught)
• Life skills
• Street smarts
• Sarcasm with an awesome sarcasm meter reader
• Teaching/ lessons/ encouragement through my writing
• Mercy and compassion for everyone (I mean everyone, eeeeevvvveeeerrrryyyyooonnneeee)
• Broad Wisdom
• Loving everyone wholeheartedly (Without love you have nothing, so I have everything)
• Hospitality (because I let strangers shower at my house)
• Benevolence (well-meaning and kindly)
• Entrepreneurial passion (with insufficient funds)
• Sincere
• Honest
• Non-judgemental
• Genuine
• Charisma
• And when I smile, I light up a room
• (But I don’t have the gift of celibacy- maybe next lifetime)

Apparently, she thinks this list could go on and on which is flattering. And sometimes you just need a reminder of the way other people see you and sometimes you need to take a good hard look at yourself and agree that you are amazing and that anybody who is either not willing to see it, or willing to pass it up, is not worth your time.

So, again, instead of crying over the loss. I will smile at the lessons I learned and I will embrace my many gifts and continue to love like I’ve never been hurt until one day someone loves me the same.