I recently met a man while online dating. He was pretty much the definition (or at least my definition) of what a man should be. And what a man should do. And as I looked back on all the online dating that I have done over the years (and there has been a lot), I thought about how almost none of the guys in my past have done the things that this guy has done.
And then it dawned on me that maybe there is some kind of “man code” that doesn’t allow this type of behavior because it may be considered unmanly or soft. Or maybe women are just too hard to read or confusing. Or maybe people are just lazy (and unappreciative).
Whatever the reason, I compiled a list of things you can do to show her you’re a keeper. Yes, there are more than these, but I don’t want to overwhelm anybody. Ladies, there’s a list for you at the bottom so keep reading…
Ask her for her phone number and then actually pick up the phone and call her.
I know it’s scary. What if she doesn’t answer? What if she texts you, “why are you calling me, weirdo?” So if you are unsure, a preliminary text is ok. If you want to ask for permission to call just in case she’s not in a place where she can talk at the moment, that’s fine. But get her on the phone. It will save you both a lot of time in the long run. If she will never pick up the phone when you call or won’t let you call, you should move on. She’s not interested and you are wasting your time. But if she does pick up the phone when you call, be fun and charming and interesting. You don’t have to talk for hours, but that preliminary conversation will clue you in on whether you want to take her on a date or not. Why waste all that time and money if the chemistry isn’t there on the phone.
Make a date
Don’t be the guy who just wants to “chill” or wants to just hang out and see where the wind blows you two. Scour the town for something fun that’s happening. Invite her out on a date. Take her to whatever it is that you planned. Pay for everything. Show her a memorable time. Drop her back off at home or her car and give her a peck on the cheek (or lips) if it was a good time. You don’t have to go all out either. It’s the first date. Find something cheap or free. Take a walk downtown. Get coffee. Get to know her. No need to drop a hundred bucks on a girl that won’t even laugh at your awesome jokes.
Ask to see her again
Preferably before you end the first date. You know whether or not you want to see her again. Women translate “I’ll call you” as “Well, this was….interesting…thank God it’s over.” If you had a great time, tell her. And then ask her for another date. If you are never going to see her again, just tell her it was fun but you two aren’t a match. Or you can go with the cop out and say “I’ll call you.” She will know what it means.
Throw Away the Rules
Everybody is playing the dating game these days. There are rules for everything. How you should act on the first date. How long you should stay on the phone. How long you should wait before texting back. How many days in advance you should ask for a date. The list is endless. Stop it with the games. Just say what you want. Tell her what you like about her. If she crosses your mind in the middle of the day, tell her. Just be your amazing self. If it backfires, she wasn’t the one. And if she’s not the one, there are plenty of other available fish in the sea.
Don’t Rush Sex
If you’re over 20. You’re most likely not a virgin (if you are- kudos to you). Sex is second nature to a lot of people. And the respect goes both ways. There is a lot of talk about how men don’t respect women who lay down with them on the first date. Women feel the same way about men. Not that we don’t respect you guys. It’s more like, we wish we would have waited until later because sometimes it shifts the focus of getting to know each other over to getting to know each other’s bodies. And although it’s really fun exploring each other, explore her mind first and see if you can respect what’s inside her head before what’s inside her skirt. She will appreciate you for it, because believe it or not, everyone is trying to get in her pants. Nobody wants in her head (because that’s a scary place).
Share Your Feelings
You don’t have to tell her your life story, but it is fine (even desirable) if you want to share some of your past mistakes over dinner. Maybe what got you to the point you are at today. Or where you want to be in the future. Your past is your past just like hers belongs to her, but our pasts have been a valuable teacher. They shape who we are today. Even our past lovers shape the kind of people we are looking for today. So be willing to share some of the intimate details. She will appreciate you more for your honesty even if it doesn’t work out.
It’s true, dating is tough. The competition can be fierce, but most people aren’t bringing their A game. So if you do, you’re a step ahead of the game and your chances of finding something lasting are way higher.
Ladies… if you find a guy who is sensitive yet manly, wants to plan dates for you, calls you on the phone, isn’t rushing you into sex or a relationship- don’t blow it! Thank him for a good time. Let him know you appreciate him. If he’s paying for everything, offer to pay for parking or to pay the tip. He’ll probably say no, but he will at least know you aren’t after him for the money. And keep in mind that he could have anyone he wanted and he’s making a choice to pick you, so keep your insecurities safely tucked away. You’re awesome. He sees it. He’s awesome. You see it.
Have fun and enjoy the ride!
The last part – about offering to share the bill, or contribute to it – is important. Otherwise the guy is in some subliminal way buying you – and you’re letting it happen.
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