The Dream that Made me Lose My Shit

I have these nights where I wake up at 3 am on the nose. Not for any particular reason. I just wake up. I usually roll over, check the time on my phone, go use the bathroom and go back to sleep. Last night was the same. I had my alarm set for 6:30. Somewhere in the middle of 3 am and the alarm, I fell asleep and started dreaming. Usually, when I dream, and I’ve mentioned this before, it’s a creepy type of nightmarish dream. Last night’s dream was not.

If you’ve been on this blog for a while, then you know I lost my best friend half a year ago. It seems like yesterday. Last night, I dreamed of her. I guess there’s a fine line between dreaming about someone and someone coming to you in a dream after they’ve died. I don’t know which this was.

I was in a house that was not mine with a baby that was not mine. Samantha or the ghost of Samantha sat in the chair and was holding the baby on her lap. When I looked over and saw that something was holding the baby, I didn’t freak out like you would expect. But the way the blanket was on the chair, I just knew it was her. I don’t know if I called her daughter or if she just appeared in the house. But soon, the house was full of people who had come to see Samantha.

But Samantha wouldn’t or couldn’t talk to us. And nobody could see her. And they all thought I was crazy. So I opened up a notebook and got out a pen and asked her to write something. First she used my hand. But they still wouldn’t believe me. Then in typical Samantha fashion, she got irritated and snatched the notebook and the pen and started writing.

She wrote a letter to me. She wrote a letter to her daughter. She kept trying to leave us after she said what she needed to say to us. And before long, everybody was gone again and it was just us in this house. She sat on the chair and I was able to see her. And we talked and we laughed. She told me she was at the funeral and that she thought it was beautiful. She thanked me for going since I don’t do funerals. Then we laughed. She told me that she was doing great and that she checks in on all of us (meaning her huge circle of friends) all the time. Signs really are signs.

And then we conspired to cheat the lottery. For a long time during this dream, we worked out the details of how she would pull the numbers that were on my ticket. Funny thing about it is I think she gave me winning lottery numbers in my dream, but all I can remember is the number 2. After we got done laughing at our terrible idea to basically steal the lottery, she said she really had to go. And I begged her to stay because I still hadn’t told her about Flea Market Guy. But she left. And I woke up unable to breathe and in tears.

It was such a vivid dream. Everything in it was so real. I have no idea why I felt like I had to tell her about Flea Market Guy but it was such a real need. Maybe because she would finally approve. I’m not really sure.

So anyway, I’m up this morning, red-eyed and unable to completely quit crying. It should be a fun morning in the dentist office. I have to take Mel to get a crown. He broke a tooth eating a NECCO. Yes, those little sugar wafers from the 1940’s. They do still make them. And they sell them at CVS. And I was buying them practically in bulk until Mel broke his damn tooth. So now we go for a crown. And hopefully, I will be able to catch my breath by the time we get there.

Anyway, hug your friends. Tell them you love them. And if for some reason you don’t like them very much right now, get over that shit because you never know when they will be gone and you will only have memories and dreams of them.

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