Just another Death Scare…

Despite saying I was only going to juice for three days, I find myself having a hard time giving up the juicing. I went to the grocery store earlier to get some “real food” to eat but ended up leaving with more stuff to juice and an avocado and a banana to eat for lunch. Which was perfectly filling. I think my body was craving the fats. I haven’t had much fat this week, which makes me optimistic that maybe I’ve lost a little weight. I haven’t stepped on a scale, because I don’t own a scale. But I feel like my stomach has shrunk a tad. Probably water weight, but who knows.

Yesterday as I was trying to juice the rest of the veggies I had in the fridge, I grabbed the beets that were in there. I was saving them for last because if I remembered correctly, my last attempt at juicing beets four years ago was kind of a disgusting mess. I don’t think I even finished the juice. I think I tasted it, gagged a little bit in my mouth, and poured it down the drain. I think that was actually the juice that made me stop juicing way back when.

If I had continued drinking it, this morning wouldn’t have been such a surprise. As you can probably guess, juicing is better than that gallon of whatever they give you before a colonoscopy. After about two days, you literally have nothing left in your system. If you have some sort of poop aversion, you should stop reading now.

I got up to go to the bathroom this morning. I like to think I’m pretty regular. So I took my morning poop. When I got up and turned around to flush, I noticed blood in the toilet. Until I remembered the beet juice. I was literally shitting beet juice.

WHY DON’T THEY TELL YOU THAT IN THE RECIPE BOOK????? C’MON, PEOPLE!!! HELP US AMATEURS OUT!

They could make it tactful. “Note: beet juice has been known to change the color of some of your bodily functions. Don’t freak out tomorrow morning after your daily number 2.”

I mean seriously. I thought I was hemorrhaging. I was two seconds away from going to the local urgent care. Thank God I have common sense. I only panicked for about 4 seconds before the hysterical laughter kicked in and I knew I was going to live. So if you are going to juice beets, don’t freak out. Your asshole is not bleeding. That juice is just really red.

You’re welcome.

Other than the scare of my imminent death, the day turned out pretty good. I got to go volunteer for one of my favorite radio stations at Bob Dylan’s Birthday Bash. It was pretty awesome.

Hopefully tomorrow will at least compare.

 

 

 

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