That Girl Has Poison

It’s been 7 hours and 16 days since I took my blog away (sung to the tune of Sinead O’Connor).

I’ve been gone from the blog a while. My life made a drastic change and I had to take some time to re-organize my life and my priorities. And as much as I’d love to say that nothing has been going on, I’d be lying. So much has been going on, it will take me the rest of the week to get through it if I decide to.

But I decided to share my latest little escapade from right here in my very own backyard. I mentioned in my last blog that I had a new job. Not a gig, but like a real life honest to goodness Monday through Friday 9 to 5 job. I’ll tell you all about that another day, but I will be waking up and going to work in the morning, so you at least know it’s going that well. I will say that when I got the job, I spiraled into a sort of depression. I have been doing that a lot lately. I think it comes with an unsettled soul and mine is somewhere lost in the abyss.

So I made up my mind to do some yard work this weekend because I had been neglecting it for no less than 2 weeks. Probably about as long as I’d been neglecting this blog. And yard work always cheers me up.  So I woke up early Sunday morning. Not too early, but early enough for coffee which I don’t drink regularly. So I went to my local neighborhood gas station, grabbed some coffee which actually consists of about 1/3 french vanilla creamer and 2/3 coffee. I don’t think it could actually even be considered coffee anymore. But that’s neither here nor there. I went to the gas station to fill up my little red gas can so I could mow. My kiddo mows the front yard most of the time, but he usually skips the backyard and leaves it for me, because the dogs are always out there and he doesn’t want to clean up the dog shit before he mows and I don’t want him mowing over it. Needless to say, having not been in the backyard for over 2 weeks, I probably picked up about 100 lbs of dog crap. Maybe I’m exaggerating a little, but I don’t really think so. And then the grass was so high I had to put the mower on the tallest setting first and go over the yard one time. After I got finished which took me an hour, I lowered it to the regular appropriate lawn mowing setting for non-procrastinators and mowed over the whole thing again. I had my earbuds. I was jamming to my favorite country tunes, singing at the top of my lungs because the mower was on and nobody could hear me and I was having a jolly good time. The sun was shining. I had worked up a good sweat. It wasn’t too humid. It was just a nice day. So nice, that when I got finished mowing I went the extra productive mile and decided I was going to cut down some weeds that were overtaking my fenceline. I cut some loose branches off some wild trees and then took my little hedge trimmers, the manual kind, not the electric kind and started cutting away at the weeds on my fence. And then out of nowhere, I got a searing flash of pain/heat in my leg. I had been bitten. I don’t know by what. I didn’t see or hear anything. Nothing was flying around me. Nothing was crawling away. It was like a ninja bug just jumped out, fucked me up and retreated. And I was left with this small not so small welt on my leg, which turned into a blood blister within thirty minutes and then turned into a white looking blister by the next morning. Now it kind of looks like it might be turning into a hole, which has me thinking brown recluse, but I’ve stayed away from WebMD because I know how they like to tell you that you’ve been bitten by some strange foreign animal that isn’t even on this continent and have you rushing to the hospital filling out questionnaires about where have you been outside of the country.  So I’m just keeping an eye on it, but I am pretty sure that if it were a brown recluse I’d be missing half my leg by now because those guys are savage. I’ve just been dousing myself in tea tree oil. That’s supposed to help, I think.

I’ve also been putting the tea tree oil on my face and on my chest and on a spot on my elbow and on my shins…because I think I have poison ivy or something. It may be heat rash but it itches like a mother sucker. And I’ve been really good at not scratching at it. Not scratching at my face is kind of like the equivalent of me having control over some portion of my life. Since I feel like the rest has spiraled out of control, I’m just keeping my hands to myself and telling myself that if I can just chill for the next little bit, everything will be fine. On my face and in my life.

So that sums up the last day or so. But some things you have missed that I will get to eventually and if I forget, feel free to remind me… online dating, the Bosnian abuser, two old guys a cat, a torrid affair, unboyfriend, poetry, the block button, and getting too comfortable in certain situations.

See, I told you that things were still happening even while I was away. Thanks for coming back! I’ll be here for a while.

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