FMG and I are on day 3 (4 by time this posts) of co-habitating and day 5 of his sobriety. And I must say, I am pleasantly surprised at how well things have been going. Not that I expected it to be miserable, but it was pretty tense the month before he got here. But sober Flea Market Guy and drinking Flea Market Guy are two different people.
I guess that is the way with addiction. You never know which parts of you you’ve lost when you are in the depths of an illness. But I am still guarded because even though he is doing great and things are going great, you never know how much a person may change when they get clear headed.
Obviously, I’m a little full of myself and I think that he will surely realize how lucky he is to have not lost me when he was being a drunken dickhole, because I’m awesome and nobody compares to me. Again, that’s just me being over-confident. The super under-confident part of me says, what if when he’s been sober for a while, he looks at me and realizes that this is not what he wants and he turns into the person I’ve dreamed he could be for someone else.
Both are possibilities and I’ve made peace with the fact that whatever is going to happen is just going to happen and I literally have no control over it. I’m pretty happy right now. And if it doesn’t work out, I’ll take a day or two to cry and watch PS. I love you, The Notebook, and A Star is Born, while eating Ben & Jerry’s Karamel Sutra while licking the spoon and my wounds and life will go on.
So far, though, we are pretty compatible. Even though, he thinks my house is filthy because of the dog hair and dirty baseboards. He should have been around when I was full of anxiety and borderline depressed. Then he would have truly known filth. I tried not to take offense to it. He’s used to little dogs, but he doesn’t have any. He’s a cat person. Try not to judge him. I’m a dog person. A huge dog person. A Rottweiler and German Shepherd dog person. He’s also a bird person. He has a parrot. I have fish. So I guess you could say that we are opposite when it comes to animals. OR that we are the same and we both have more animals than we have common sense.
Either way, we’ve spent 4 days watching Zeus, my Rottweiler, stand statue like at the bedroom door being held back by nothing but a baby gate that he could easily knock down, staring at his cats who must feel like prisoners in the bedroom. They are used to having a whole place to wander around. Now they have to worry about being eaten on a regular basis.
Maybe this weekend we will let them out of the room and let them fend for themselves. I just know that I will feel really bad if one of the cats is murdered. And I think it’s probably a bit morbid to tell FMG when he gets home and says, “how was your day?” that “My day was good. I dug a hole in the back yard so we can introduce the dogs and cats this weekend.” Then again, I’ll let you know how that conversation goes.
The letter to the Underwriter went over swimmingly well. They didn’t cancel my loan for the house so we should be closing on Sept. 6 if the stars stay aligned. I’m planning on winning the powerball tonight though, so they may be doing all this work for nothing. Then again, I probably couldn’t collect all that cash before the 6th and would just have to pay it off early. I’m OK with that option too.
All in all, I guess you could say it was a pretty good day. What’s going on in your world??