I very rarely talk about my day job because I feel like writing is my actual life and if it doesn’t involve writing or reading (and, of course, Flea Market Guy or my children) then it’s just not very important, but I’ve had a rough couple days at work and maybe I need to vent for a second. And hopefully it doesn’t get me fired.
Boss man and I got into a kind of blowout before the long weekend. Let me preface this by saying he’s a super nice guy. He’s one of those people who has everybody’s best interest at heart and deep down he tries to do the right thing, but in reality, he’s super irresponsible and nothing is ever his fault even when it is (and a lot of times it is).
I think we’ve all known someone like that. My sister calls a person like that Teflon Man or Teflon Woman, because nothing ever sticks to them. People in the office play Teflon all the time. It drives my sister nuts (by the way, she works with me).
So, I was recently accused of not doing my job to the standards that were expected of me (standards I think I have exceeded) and also being reminded that I was getting paid really well to do said job.
If you know me personally, there are two things I can’t stand. One is working my tail off and not being appreciated for it. And the second thing is to ever have money thrown up in my face.
I do know that not everybody feels the same way I do about money. Most people value it. They want to make loads of money and they don’t want to share it with anyone because the thought of running out of money is scary. I’m not those people. I don’t give two shits about money. I like having it when I want to go on a vacation and it’s nice to have when the bills are due, but generally speaking, I live pretty modestly and can get by on very little.
So when I make a decent amount of money, you can usually find me giving it away or “loaning” it to someone knowing I will probably never see it again. But what I never do is throw it up in someone’s face. Well, except for Flea Market Guy. I have thrown stuff up in his face in the midst of rage, but that was when he was drunk and I was hurt, so I think we both get a pass on that. But usually, I would never throw what someone owes me or what I’ve done for them up in their face.
I believe that I will eventually get my money or good deed returned to me in the future. If not by the person themselves, then by karma or the universe or God or whoever is in charge of making those decisions. And I’ve been told that I cannot expect everyone else to be the same as me and I get it, but I feel like as an adult, I should be able to expect other adults to act like sane adults.
I was “recruited” to start working at my current gig the first time. And this second time, I had been asked over and over and over and over and over (I could go on) to come back. I didn’t want to because I was pretty sure not much had changed, plus I had a relationship of sorts with one of the guys who works there and there was that one time he almost killed me while he was drunk (yes, there is a pattern of drunks in my life) and I didn’t want to deal with him either.
Nonetheless, I did go back after being offered what I considered enough money to make it worth my while. If only I cared about money.
I’ve been re-evaluating my decision a lot lately. I’m not a huge fan of the hamster wheel. I like to see progress and it’s like every time I see a little light of progress shining through, someone takes a huge piece of tape from the roll of irresponsibility and closes it up.
I get it that some people are super uncomfortable with the idea of success and will literally do anything to sabotage themselves and/or their business, relationships, etc., but I need those people to go to a therapist and fix their shit or just fuck all the way off and let me live my life and do my job.
The worst part about Teflon people is that they will never admit how their actions affect others and if they do, they are pity seeking which is also an issue for me because I absolutely lack sympathy for those who keep putting themselves in the same situation over and over again and expect anything to change.
Isn’t that the actual, literal, definition of insanity?
Needless to say, I’ve felt like I am the insane one recently because I’ve been trying and trying to create a system that is ridiculously broken and every single time I get almost to the point where I think it is going to work, BAM!!! a big ass wrench is thrown into said system and it just continues to be broken.
Which leads me back to the hamster wheel that I am perpetually on. I just keep watching it go around and around and around and nothing actually changes. And by the time I get off work I am so mentally drained and defeated, I just want to crawl into a hole and disappear. But mostly, I just want people to start taking responsibility for themselves.