And So I Jumped…

I got into an argument with my so called “boss” on Friday. I thought as the weekend wore on I would change my mind like I usually do from “fuck you, I don’t need this job,” to “fuck it, just go do the job and get the pay check.”

I was wrong. The whole weekend has passed and I have yet to change my mind. I can’t lie and say that I didn’t know what I was getting into four or so months ago when I quit a perfectly good job to go to this job because it paid double what I was making and I couldn’t, at the time, see myself turning it down. And so, despite having a previous bad experience with this person, I sold my soul to the money devil and took the job and quit the job I really liked with a boss I really liked.

Fast forward (or is it rewind?) to Friday… I had been hired to take this business that the owner pretty much wants nothing to do with and take it from a failing business to a thriving business. I won’t say I’m “gifted” or “super business savvy” but I will take credit for seeing things from a business perspective and also seeing the easiest, most effective way to make it work financially. So I went in, got rid of the ineffective office people, hired effective office people, figured out that the shop supervisor has been stealing God only knows how much product from the shop because there is no inventory system, and tried to remedy all the problems that have built up over the last one, two, three, who knows how many years.

I can definitely admit when I’ve made a mistake and my first mistake was not getting anything put in writing that said what the “boss” had told me when I started, which was basically, “you run the business the way that will work and make us money and I will stay out of it.”

And for the most part he does stay out of it until he doesn’t, and when he gets in it, he causes more harm than good for the company with over promising and under delivering, using company funds as his personal ATM, and overall being in denial about the fact that a business owner has to either be all in or put people in place so they can be all out because walking the middle of the road will lead to disaster. There shouldn’t be any convenience meddling when it suits their agenda or when they run out of personal money.

I could literally go on and on about how frustrated I am, but the short version is that I hired a marketing company to do what the marketing girl in the office couldn’t do and for almost half the price of what we were paying her. She would be able to learn new skills or help with more office work and we would see more income from sales and advertising. After having already gone back on promises and conversations from the week before and the one before that, when he jumped my shit about this particular situation, I had really just had enough and told him how I felt and hung up on him. And then via text he basically told me I was fired. And I felt… relief.

Relief that my headache that I’d had for two days from stress would go away. Relief that the the panic attacks I’d been having on the way to or from work at least once a week would go away again (I hadn’t really had one since I left there the first time and they had returned with a vengeance). Relief that I would not get blamed when the business crashed and burned because of his self destructive ways. Just relief. Like the relief you feel when you get pulled under the waves at the ocean and you think for a minute you will die because you can’t get oriented, but then you look up and see sunlight and realize one quick stroke will have you breathing air again. That kind of relief. And then I told myself that no job, regardless of how well it pays, should affect your physical or mental health on a daily basis.

And so, I went home and started looking for other jobs.

I don’t know if you believe in Universal coincidences, or signs, or manifestation, but I do. And a couple of weeks ago, I had looked online about attending this workshop that was coming to town. I wasn’t sure exactly what it was about, but I am a fan of the guy who runs the program. I thought about signing up, but at the time, I knew that I wouldn’t have any time to work a program that would help ME make money because I was spending all my time trying to help SOMEONE ELSE make money.

The day after I had decided against it, that very same company called me. I don’t know if it was some weird cell phone/internet spy program that got them my number or because I’m already on his mailing list. Either way, I took it as a sign that maybe I should go. I signed up for a Saturday class two weeks away. Not knowing that the day before the class I would get fired for trying to do my job. So when I got the text that I didn’t have to worry about trying to fix anything anymore, I remembered the workshop I was getting ready to attend.

I already knew they were going to try to sell me something. I already knew I wasn’t buying.

Until I did.

And when they told me how much it was, it was almost the exact amount I had in one of my savings accounts. Another sign. Or so I thought. And so I gave them my money and told them I’d see them the week before my birthday.

And it was funny, because the deciding factor that made me hand over the money was fear. Actual palm sweating, heart palpitating fear. I’ve never invested in MYSELF before. But I’m always so quick to invest in other people. And so, with shaky hands, I moved the money from my savings account to my checking account and handed over my debit card.

And I was scared. But I reminded myself of all the times I’d helped someone else try to realize their dream. I reminded myself of all the time and energy and good ideas I had poured into the business I just got fired from (for doing those things) and I thought that if I could put that much time and and energy and good ideas into something that would benefit me and I could learn how to do that “thing,” why would I not bet on me. At least then if it failed I would have nobody to blame but myself.

And so I jumped.

To be continued….

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