I went with Flea Market Guy to his AA meeting today. He’s been sober for 30 days. And I think we’ve been shacked up for about 28 of them. A month ago, I had a hard time imagining this day. I was certain he would take a drink. More than once. But he’s been really self- aware about his triggers and when he should be at a meeting. He’s gone to one everyday and some days two.
He said today, that in the beginning I said that I wasn’t sure we would like each other if he was sober because I had pretty much only known him drunk. He just hid it in the beginning so I didn’t really know him at all. As it turns out, we get along really well when he’s sober. Even better than when he’s not. And my heart is happy about that. He wanted to give me some of the credit for being supportive, but I know first hand that it doesn’t matter how much support you have, nobody else can make you get clean. It has to be a thing you want to do. And it’s been really evident that he wanted to do it, because he has.
He’s also found a really good job and gotten himself into the intensive outpatient program. I don’t know if telling an alcoholic that you are proud of them is effective. But I am ridiculously proud of him.
We have lots of conversations about our future now and every day I am less and less skeptical about whether his words are true or false. Every morning we wake up and have conversations that make us laugh before getting out of bed and at night we don’t fall asleep until the last joke has been told. I find it all very surreal; being in a relationship that works. I’m so used to something being broken. And right now, things are really well put together.
And he’s so supportive of me. He’s not rolled his eyes or told me that I need to go back to that job that didn’t respect or appreciate me. He says, he will just support whatever decision I make because he knows I’ve always hustled to get to tomorrow and he’s here to help. And I’m so not used to that kind of man. I guess I’m not used to actually dating a real man. I’m not used to dating my best friend.
So instead of waiting for the other shoe to drop, I’m just going to accept the fact that I finally have my person and he has my back. And I’m ready to trust in the process and see where it takes us.