Day four seems like day 40. Dealing with someone living in a perpetual state of delusion and a perpetual state of living in the past is very tiring. At least it is for me. It is already starting to take a toll on FMG and my relationship which is the last thing we wanted to happen. I agreed that his brother could come stay with us and I knew that I would be working overtime to help make sure he was eating right and getting exercise, but I thought that he would be on board (brother, not FMG).
I imagined that after hugging your kids goodbye not knowing whether you were ever going to see them again would be a sobering experience. And, I imagined it would want to give you something to live for, but with the buprenorphine that his psychiatrist has him on to prevent opiod relapse he is high all the time. And not just a little high. He’s mumbly falling asleep while sitting up high and his defense is that it is prescribed and his doctor knows. In my defense, his doctor has never ever observed him for extended periods of time and has no fucking clue what it is like.
So we’ve talked to brother about the amount of drugs he is prescribed and he has since agreed to go down to a lower dose IF his psychiatrist agrees. Even though I think he is secretly hoping he won’t. He’s been sick on and off about every other day. Shaking, throwing up, confused, forgetful. And it is hard for us to decipher if it is the liver issue (his bilirubin was still at 33 last time it was checked) or if it is the prescribed opiod that he takes every 12 hours. I think I mentioned before that our main concern is that his liver can’t process the drugs as fast as he is taking him. We also think that may be why he is getting sick every 48 hours or so, but we aren’t doctors. So we just keep doing what the doctors say: limiting fluids to 2 liters, making sure he has less than 2000 mg of sodium a day and making sure he has 125 g of protein per day. I’ve been pumping him full of fresh fruits and veggies. He is loving the grapes. The rest of it he is tolerating. He didn’t like that we removed the sodas from him life. We did give him some sprite today when he was sick, but he’s addicted to cokes and did not like it one bit when we told him they were temporarily suspended. But like all things, you get used to not having it when it’s not there. Out of sight, out of mind, right?
So we are trying to teach him a new way of eating. Well, to be honest, we are trying to teach him to eat in general. He admittedly was skipping lots of meals while he was binge drinking. Now that he has to eat 6 small meals a day, he is not sure how to feel about it. But living sober and living healthy in general is a learning experience.
Our hope is that he will slowly heal while we teach him how to live like a productive adult again. Hopefully it’s not all for nothing. I would hate for Flea Market Guy to get his heart broken. And if he watched his brother relapse and eventually die, which is what would happen if he drank again like he was, it would most definitely break his heart.
Like they say, one day at a time. That’s how we are taking it. Maybe it will get easier to deal with. Maybe it won’t be so exhausting soon. I’m optimistic. We shall see.