The Great Outdoors Haven’t Been So Great to Me This Week

I mentioned in an earlier post that we spent the better part of the weekend doing yard work. I’m usually a pretty prepared yard worker. I wear my yard shoes. I always wear gloves. And usually pants and a t shirt. This weekend was so nice, I wore my little slutty cut off jean shorts. I was mostly excited to wear them because they actually fit me when I tried them on. I couldn’t get into them last year. So without trying, I’m back to a smaller size. So, yes, I was happy. They used to be my favorite jeans until they inevitably had to be turned into my favorite jean shorts. Sure, they are a little too short, but I was at home. The world is quarantined. Who was going to see me? Nobody. So live and let live, right?

Well, my overzealous appreciation for my nostalgic shorts led to a great big case of poison oak. All the vines and “ivy” I pulled off old Barkley the Tree in the back yard, was, in my best guess, poison oak. I woke up earlier this week with a bunch of little patches of red, itchy bumps. They are on my legs. They are on my arms. And somehow, they are on my stomach. And because the shorts were so slutty short, I have a patch about 2 inches from my secret garden. And it looks super inappropriate when I try to nonchalantly scratch it… so there’s that.

So I’ve been taking handfuls of Benadryl and spraying myself from top to bottom with Caladryl every night and taking Allegra in the morning to get me through. But, this has happened before, so I’m pretty good at not scratching and treating the poison like a kind of water torture that I just endure all day long and then as I take a hot shower at night, go a little hard with the loofah. I’m only human.

Yesterday, my Instacart gig was a little slow. So after I had finished about 4 orders, I went home to grab a bite to eat. Once I got home, it was so nice and cool outside, but sunny, I decided to grab a blanket and a pillow and lay outside in the grass for a bit while listening to a Dr. Joe Dispenza meditation to manifest my future.

I put on my headphones. Put on my sunglasses. Hiked up my pant legs. And for 45 minutes I meditated and felt the breeze on my face. I didn’t feel the sun beating down on me and turning my exposed skin red.

So now, on top of the poison oak or ivy or whatever it is, I have a nice raccoon look going on my face from the sunglasses and a very uneven tan / burn line started on my legs.

So I’ve now devised a plan to sunblock the burnt part and put on my daisy dukes this weekend to “even it out.”

But sunburn and poisonous rashes aside,  it’s been a really beautiful week here in East Tennessee.

And below is a pic of my uneven legs (poison oak included)… Hope your week has been less eventful!!


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