RouletteWeekend

We just passed our one week mark of “officially” being Tennesseans again. Things have been moving along slower than I would have liked. If you read the last blog, you know what a tremendous mess we walked into when we got here. Well, we had a lot of it cleaned up before we actually moved here, but there was still (and is still) a LOT to do. We painted the room that will be our office space this week. We went with the “color of the year” from Valspar which is warm eucalyptus and I am obsessed. Not figuratively, either. Quite literally. We went half and half in the office between that color and a color called Degas blue. They compliment each other really well and I’ve decided to do another accent wall of the eucalyptus in our bedroom because as I just mentioned….obsessed. It’s such a warm and inviting color. I may even add it to the living room palette. We will see.

The other color we are using is called warm putty. I think it looks like a grey-ish color. Will thinks it looks khaki, but he’s also colorblind so there’s that. Either way, it’s a super sharp color that makes me happy. We took that color from our bedroom and let it roll right on into the bathroom that is attached to our new bedroom. And when I say roll right on in…I mean, we colored the whole bathroom that color including the ceiling and I gotta say, it’s pretty freaking cool looking. I did think about adding an accent wall with a fun wallpaper print, but I haven’t really convinced myself that I want that kind of stress in my life, especially if we have to remove the wallpaper at some point. Between that and my scalding hot showers, leaving it painted and hanging some photos on the wall might be the right call.

Oh, I left out the part where we couldn’t start painting our bedroom until today because we had to wait for the carpet guy to come install the carpet in our room, the hallway, and down the stairs. The local carpet company gave us a super good deal on some really swank carpet. It was so good, we couldn’t pass it up. Again, this may be worth some regret in the near future because it is very light. Not quite white, but super close and our super-shedder dogs are black. There will be lots of vacuuming in my future, I think.

So with the waiting on the carpet to be installed and now the painting, we haven’t really taken one thing out of storage to bring here to make things feel more like “home.” And on top of that, it’s freezing cold outside and I think we are up to about 5 inches of snow that is still falling. Welcome back to Tennessee!

I swear the next move I make is going to be to an island somewhere very far South so I never have to worry about the cold, or even own closed toed shoes if I don’t want to.

Tomorrow looks like it will be more of the same. More cold. More painting. Will’s mom is doing well if that was going to be your next question. We’ve taken her to the doctor twice. The last time they said they are going to send her for an MRI to see if there is something causing her forgetfulness like alzheimer’s or if she’s just still adjusting to this new life. She is, after all, basically living with two strangers. Yes, Will is her son, but he’s also almost fifty. He hasn’t lived at home since before he was 20, I believe. And since we’ve been together, coming by to visit has not really been on the to do list. It was more of a birthday and holiday kind of situation. So being here full time has been an adjustment for both of them.

And don’t get me started on how much of an adjustment it has been for me. I feel like most of my adult life I’ve lived on my own. Or I’ve had people live with me. I don’t remember a time where I have lived “with” someone else. My sister and I moved into a place together about 20 years ago and it ended with me getting pissy and moving out and leaving her stuck renting this house that she coudn’t afford. In hindsight, that was a pretty shitty move, but we’ve all done shitty things before and I was young and miserable.

But as a true adult…a middle aged woman…to move into someone else’s house does leave me feeling a little bit out of control, if you will. Yes, my things will eventually be here, but that doesn’t really make this place “mine.” It’s someone else’s house and I am just…more than a visitor, more than a guest, I guess, but it still doesn’t feel like “my house.” Even though Will’s mom has said she wants us to treat it like its ours, the fact remains that it is not. And that one little thing has thrown me off my axis.

Not that I worry that anything will happen and I’ll have to leave. It’s not like I see Will and I breaking up anytime soon, if ever, but you never know what may happen and there’s a little bit of anxiety in the insecurity of not being in control of the situation. I’ve always prided myself on having my own place, my own space, where I could tell people to leave if they didn’t like it, but this is not that.

Maybe I will feel differently after more of my stuff is here and we get into more of a routine with our life, but right now everything seems just a little off and busy doing a whole lot of home repairs and updates before we can finally settle in. But on a brighter note, at least we are too busy working and planning for my seasonal depression to rear it’s ugly head. I just don’t have time for that and for that much, I am grateful.