RouletteWeekend

And just like that we are unpacking our boxes back into the house we were so hopeful to be leaving.

We were supposed to be closing on a new house and moving on to a new chapter with fewer financial burdens, closer to friends and family, and generally just a better space for all of us, but the day after our home inspection on the house that we are currently living in, the buyers decided that the list of deferred maintenance issues were more than they wanted to take on, which meant that we lost not just one, but, two contracts basically in one day. The contract on the house that we were living in and the contract on the house that we wanted to be living in.

Needless to say, I was devastated. Suicidal, homicidal, depressive, unable to talk to anyone without breaking down, devastated. I stayed in bed for three days and when I finally decided to get out of bed, I drove straight to our bank, withdrew a couple hundred dollars and drove straight to my old bank to open an account in my name only.

When we moved to Myrtle Beach, Will and I closed both of our accounts here in Knoxville and opened a single joint account at the beach. When we moved back to Knoxville, we opened an account at his old bank because it’s also where his mom banks and that just seemed easier.

That is, until I woke up one day last week and it hit me that not only have I lost all of my independence in one fell swoop, I’m completely dependent on Will and his mom for a place to live and every dollar I have access to. I thought about just leaving and getting my own place, but, I didn’t have an account in my name nor did I have any money to speak of that would cover such an expense. So after my spiral, I decided to remedy at least one of those problems. So, a new bank account was all I could think to do to give me some semblance of control back.

I know it’s not a house of my own. And it’s not even guaranteed that I will make any significant amount of money to put in it, but at the time, it was a small thing that seemed to make a big difference in my mood.

So for the last few days, we’ve been bringing all the boxes we packed and put into storage back into the house. I guess one positive is that once we had the place mostly empty, it’s been easier to intentionally unpack and store the things we know we don’t need yet. We’ve set up a whole section of the attic with storage shelves and Will says that we are going to go box by box and get rid of any and everything that doesn’t need to be in this house and maybe that will offset the $8700 we have to spend today to get a new heating unit installed this week.

That’s just one of the deferred maintenance items that was on the home inspection. That’s the one we knew about. The others included rotting siding, because apparently the siding is wood, because his mom is a traditionalist and when she picked the “plantation” house design, she went all in and decided wood siding was better than vinyl. The house is also settling, which all homes do, but it was enough to scare off the future owners. So here we are.

I guess another plus in this whole situation is that since we’ve decided we aren’t moving, Will’s mom has miraculously stopped having these immense bouts of anger where she throws soda at us and tells me that my opinion shouldn’t matter because I’m not even really “family.” So basically, she was just being a bitch because she wasn’t getting her way and now that she is getting her way and doesn’t have to leave, she’s back to being nice.

I did work through my emotions of having to stay in this toxic den of a house and yesterday I painted two out of the four rooms that I am going to paint this week. I have not worked through my resentment toward his mom for being so horrible to us for trying to do the right thing.

So now, the pressure is on for us to make money. I feel a little restricted in that area because I’m home making sure that Will’s mom is safe and feels loved and is fed and that the house is clean and doesn’t smell like dog piss because her dogs like to use her room as their own little dog park. So I guess I should say, now the pressure is on Will to be a son, a successful realtor, and attempt to be a successful partner, though, I’m not too worried about that at this moment. I took off my engagement ring and haven’t put it back on. I don’t see a scenario where I even want to get married while living in this house.

Maybe things will change after I get everything back in the house, get things painted and decorated the way I want, but all the decorations in the world don’t get me closer to downtown or closer to my friends and family that live where we were trying to move. And all the decorations in the world won’t change the fact that while she still does have Alzheimer’s, it wasn’t the Alzheimer’s at all, my mother in law is just a spoiled brat.