The Build-a-Boyfriend Workshop

Not to dwell on dating or people of the opposite sex, but that is where my mind is a lot lately. I think it’s because people keep telling me that I won’t be alone forever no matter how many times I tell them that I am ok with it. Am I anti-relationship? Absolutely not. I am perfectly ok with being in one if I could find the perfect match for me.

It would be nice if picking a mate were as easy as going to the build a bear workshop. “Oh, look! There’s a great sense of humor. I’ll take that. Add it with this little batch of honesty. Here’s some loyalty. Look at that butt. Yep! That’s the one I’m looking for. Excuse me, miss, can you please show me where the great sex is? Awesome! Thanks. Last time I’m going to bother you, can you point me in the direction of the beautiful toothy smiles? Thanks! I think we’re done here.” And then you live happily ever after. No blind dates. No internet dating.

I think in the beginning we all thought online dating would be that Build-a-Boyfriend Workshop for us. We just log in, put in our search preferences and voila!! A long list of matches. But they are never really matches. Well they are, until the first message. I’m not sure what confuses people about online dating. I mean, the word “date” is right there in the title. It’s pretty straight forward what the expectation is, right? A date. Like people used to go on back in the good old days. Do you know how many people don’t want to go to a movie on a first date? I don’t understand why. To me, a movie is a perfect place to go. You sit together in silence for two hours. If that’s not enough to make the awkward feeling go away, you just watched two hours of conversation starters. You will have something to talk about when it’s over.

I would much rather that than sitting down to eat self-consciously with someone who doesn’t like the way it sounds when people chew or someone who scrapes their teeth along the fork with every bite. Or worse, with someone who thinks a good first date is drinks at his house. C’mon! That’s not a first date. That’s a one night stand and you’re about 15 years too late on that one.

Most of the time I think I’m the one who changed but I hear the same thing from other single women. Even those that are 20 years younger than me long for the time where men were, well, men. I know there is a whole generation of women to blame. I’m part of that generation. I was born in the seventies but the nineties was my Woodstock. Casual sex, impulsive sex, easy sex, “hey let’s have drinks at my house sex.” So I guess I can’t really complain about being part of the problem. It’s like people who chain smoke until they get Cancer and then quit even though they know it’s too late but they are optimistic that things can be repaired. That’s where I’m at now. I’m optimistic that things can be repaired. Or can they?