Maybe I Only Think I Know 

This blog has really been a learning experience and I think it is turning into a tool to get to know myself and really let others get to know me. Not that I think a person will ever truly know themselves because we encounter events and people, who change us in some way, daily. But it’s been fun so far. I’ve had people comment on the blog when I meet them in person. I’ve had people message me interesting little tidbits about themselves that relate to something I’ve written. I had a conversation today with a bus driver who reads the blog sometimes and he was trying to figure out what bus driver I was talking about in a previous blog and it was cracking me up.  And there’s people whose feelings have been hurt because they didn’t make it into a blog yet. And others who have gotten their feelings hurt because I’ve said something that destroyed what they believed to be true about me. And I’ve had people tell me they really like reading this. And that makes me the happiest because I’m doing what I absolutely love and people are enjoying it. I’d really love it if I were getting paid. I told someone the other day that I was just waiting for some travel sex magazine to get in touch with me and tell me that they will pay me to travel the world and write about my sexploits, but so far, my inbox is empty, which is just as well. I still have 4 more years to go before my kid is of age. So I can’t be prancing off, slutting it up, and reliving my misspent youth just yet. 

Another realization that I’ve had since starting this….well, I think I’ve always known, but never really acknowledged, is that I love fast and hard. I think part of it is just my nature. I believe there is something to love about everyone. And I have a keen knack for being able to find what that is pretty quickly. And I think the other part is the die hard romantic in me who is always searching for that “one” person that I am hopeful is out there. That one compatible person. That one person who gets me. That one person who isn’t so married or so fucked up in the head that he can’t be my one person. But my luck is not so lucky and I think what I do is piece them all together. It’s not that I want to see a bunch of different guys, it’s just that it’s hard to find one that is interesting enough to keep me intrigued. So I take the parts of each one that I love and use that to keep me occupied. 

I know. I know. That interesting intrigue doesn’t last forever. Eventually, it turns into the same old schedule. Friday night dates, Saturday night sex, Sunday morning church, Monday night football, Taco Tuesday, etc., etc., etc. It’s that part of life that scares me and it’s that part of life that keeps me from picking some humdrum predictable man. The irony, though, is that all of the men I know are  predictsble in their own way. Not that I’m not boring and predictable in my own way. I’m currently in my pajamas on a Friday night instead of being out dancing or doing anything and I’m sure that at least 50% of the people who know me, if given a chance to guess what I am doing right now, would say I’m laying in bed writing. It’s what I do. It’s the predictable side of me. But if I had a man who was an unpredictable one and he called and said “hey, be there in 20 minutes, get dressed, jeans are fine” and then kidnapped me to go do something cool, I might marry that man (assuming he was ok with separate living quarters although I may change my mind on that eventually, too). But I haven’t met that one. Maybe because I only half ass look. Maybe because if I met someone like that I wouldn’t know what to do with him. Maybe I only think I know what I want and I’m going to be perpetually confused until I die and you guys are going to be the ones suffering through this psychosis with me. 

So just in case I forgot to tell you, thanks for being here on this roller coaster. If there is ever a wedding, you’re all invited. Or I’ll at least live stream it. 

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