An App a Day

I had a job interview today. It’s been a while since I had a real interview. The interview I had for the job I currently have basically consisted of walking into the office and telling the manager what size shirt I needed. There was no interview at all. Just a basic, “when can you start, what size shirt do you need?” Not that I minded. I was calm and prepared when I went for that “interview” and at the time it was just for a part time gig anyway because I was working a full time job already. I’ve been at this retail gig for about 8 months. I was there for less than a month before I was offered a promotion to a shift supervisor. I don’t believe it was because I have any special set of skills or talents. I mean, I do, but I don’t think they took that into consideration when offering me the promotion. Pretty much half of the people that work there are shift supervisors or managers. Lots of chiefs, not enough Indians. But I was also promised full time hours and the possibility to quit the other job that I had come to loathe. I’ll blame that on being overqualified perhaps or maybe I just have a problem working for other people. Let me rephrase. I think I have a problem working for people who aren’t smarter than me. I want to be able to look up to my boss. I want them to be able to teach me something, but I want to be able to look up at them and not notice them looking down on me because they are in a superior position. I will be the first to admit it. I have a problem working for douchebags, but it seems a lot of the time that is who gets the job. I don’t know if it’s a prerequisite to being a director of a place or a manager of a place, but it’s running rampant in every field I’ve worked in and I’ve worked in a lot. But back to the job interview.

I wasn’t even actually looking for a job because I was going to be a responsible adult about things so I think I mentioned in an earlier blog that I wrote the District Manager about my full time status that I was supposed to have but was lied to about and I waited for a response. And waited. And waited. He received it on Tuesday. So basically the whole week has passed by and I have not heard a peep from him. I get it he is busy because he is managing the district, but common courtesy would have had him at  least give me a call to tell me he received it and that I would know the verdict by a certain time or that he would come meet with me like I requested, but I got nothing. Not a phone call, not a text, not a fuck you. Nothing.

Then as I was laying in bed the other night, this little voice said, “psst…check craigslist.” So I grabbed my laptop, which is conveniently situated at all times on the passenger side of my bed and went to the jobs section. I typed in downtown Knoxville in the search parameters and this job at a law office popped up. And I thought, “huh, I’ve never had a job at a law firm before”, but then as I thought about it, I think I worked at one years ago for a temp agency.  Anyway, I immediately thought law office equals decent pay and probably really good benefits. The ad said the basics of the job and then was followed by “To apply for this position applicant must respond by providing 1) a copy of your resume, and 2) an explanation of why you would be the ideal candidate for this job. If you do not comply with these two items, you will not receive a response. Also, if you are unable to begin immediately, do not apply for this position.”

It seemed simple enough and I decided to apply. This was my response:

Hello,
I saw your ad on Craigslist for the Receptionist/Paralegal position. I would like to apply for the position. I guess this part of the email will serve as part two of the requirement.
Why I would be an ideal candidate for this job:
First, I am very smart. Some say too smart for my own good, but I don’t think that’s possible. I am a fast learner and I am quick on my feet. Although I have never done any paralegal work, I have worked in many receptionist, assistant, personal assistant, and licensed real estate assistant positions. Another reason I would be an ideal candidate is because I am punctual and dependable. I am never late for work and I rarely, if ever, get sick. I always have a positive attitude. Plus, I don’t live very far from downtown Knoxville and I’m always down there anyway, so it only makes sense that I should also work downtown.  And I could be available immediately. I currently have another job, but I could work it out. Finally, I can follow directions. Look how well I’ve done so far.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. Attached is my part one (resume). I look forward to hearing from you.

At the time I wrote it, I was truly just being myself and since I don’t actually NEED another job, I didn’t feel the need to be impressive. I was hoping they would see the humor in it and I didn’t really expect to hear back, but I did, first thing in the morning and was asked to come in the next day (today) at 9:30. Then I started stressing because I don’t know what to wear to a lawyers office. I barely know what to wear to bed. My closet has clothes in it from every era. Seriously, from 1920 (a flapper dress I just acquired) to some 50’s petticoats to some groovy 70’s shirts to present day jeans and tees. Almost nothing would have worked for an interview at a real job or at least that’s what I thought until I scoured the city for something that I liked that was also comfortable and when that didn’t work, I went to my friend Stacee’s house and raided her closet, which is where the flapper dress came from and she gave me a really cute pair of black pants and a black and white top but when I got home and tried it on again, I still wasn’t comfortable. After all that stress, I ended up just wearing my comfy multi colored flowy pants and a simple black shirt. I got to the interview and it went well. The woman interviewing me said she thought she recognized me. After we got into the interview and I told her that I volunteer for almost every event downtown, she said we probably knew some of the same people and upon further review, we definitely did so that was good, but then she asked me what I wanted to make and when I told her she told me that she didn’t even make that much and it was not likely that I would get that. I told her that she should make that much and went on a small rant about the system (I think I will address that in blog tomorrow) but told her I understood and we parted ways. Now I have resolved to find and apply for one job a day that I wouldn’t mind having until the job I want surfaces. It would be nice if the people who ran the job I have currently have would just see some sort of value in my work, but I guess you can’t please all the people all the time, but hopefully on the next go round I will find something that aligns better with my skills and my passion. This is the part where my friend Crystal makes a joke about stripping or prostitution, but I don’t mean those kind of skills. I should have looked further into that when I was younger. But maybe I would prostitute myself for a food truck. I’d call it the VagWag or the Streetwalker Mobile or TaTa TaDa or maybe something more catchy. So now I go learn to cook and work on coming up with a name that is a little more memorable for a totally different reason.

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