Ten Steps to Having Sex with Me Again *

Sex. Contrary to the popular belief that men love sex and women, eh, not so much, we, women, love sex just as much as the next guy….assuming the man knows what he is doing. Some of us even love it more than the next guy and are givers. To a fault. Maybe we like sucking your dick. But fair is fair in the bedroom and if you don’t want to return the favor, do us all a favor and don’t ask us to drop our panties.  Here are a few tips for you guys that should be no brainers but, maybe a refresher course is needed. Dating is hard enough as it is, but when a woman feels a connection and wants to share herself with you, it is a gift. And if a woman is just exercising her right to fuck when and who she wants, well, that can be a gift for you too. So I’ve compiled this list of ten things to remember when taking it to the bedroom level, especially if you’d like to get there more than once:

1.) Keep in mind that we might want to come as much as you do. Just kidding. There is no might about it. We DO want to come as often as we make you come.

2.) How about don’t rub the pussy like you’re petting a Labrador retriever behind the ears? It’s not a petting zoo, it’s a vagina.

3.) If she tells you there is a problem in the area of sex, don’t get your panties in a wad. Chin up! Accept the challenge to be better.

4.) Under no circumstances should you pat her with your condolences because you know you were selfish and tell her you knew this was coming, it will go back to the way it was soon.

5.) If you value your life and want to avoid a throat punch, please don’t do 4 more than once if you accidentally make the mistake of doing it at all.

6.) If you accidentally come before her and she’s still horny….fix that shit. It’s ok to ask her what you can do to help if you don’t know, but please don’t assume because you got off that it’s a good night. It’s only a good night for you. Sleep with one eye open.

7.) It’s ok to talk about sex. You’re an adult. There is nothing embarrassing about it. It’s a beautiful thing. Except when it’s a selfish pathetic thing.

8.) Make yourself an expert in the female orgasm. We don’t just live to give you one and think, “no,no, orgasms aren’t my thing.” Like my mom said, “if you don’t have enough for everyone, you can’t have it either!”

9.) Ask her what she likes. Have her show you her hot spots. I can guarantee that what is taking you 45minutes to achieve, she can get herself there faster than Jimmy John’s can bring you club sub.

10.) If you don’t care if she is satisfied, go ahead and let her know in advance so she doesn’t expend the energy to shave her legs or her pussy for that matter and she can pat you lovingly and dismiss you.

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