The Tax Man and a D!ck Pic Collage 

Remember when I went to Ohio and then drove home only to head right back out for a poetry slam in Atlanta? I may have only touched on it briefly, but that happened almost a month ago. While I was in Atlanta, I got the notion to download Tinder. I know I mentioned that, because I used it at the beach for a minute, too, before deleting it again. As with the beach, I was only on Tinder for a day or so. Long enough to swipe right on a handful of guys along I-75 between Atlanta and Knoxville. I talked to a few before deleting the app. I always delete the app and my profile.  One guy asked for my number, so I gave it to him. And honestly, it was really my friend the Poet who talked me out of that Tinder game in Atl. He insisted that all or most of the dudes in Atlanta were on the married and/or gay on the down low and/or had AIDS. I don’t need that kind of drama in my life. So we played this fun game of “gay with AIDS, Tinder Version” and he scared me and scarred me enough to not deal with Tinder Atlanta. Except for the one guy who asked for my number. The tax man.  I had my friend the poet agree to tell me that he looked perfectly straight and AIDS-free, not that you can tell, but, he’s a good friend and was humoring me. So, anyway, that was almost a month ago. Three weeks and some change, I guess.  I also guess if I was going to describe the tax man, I’d probably just tell you to imagine any tax man and/or engineer type and you’d have this guy. Which is what I thought at first. I just thought he was some nerdy tax dude. He is kind of, I guess, but he’s also funny and sweet. He has literally sent me a good morning text every day since we started talking, except for a few days where he was out of the country. Also, I mentioned my favorite movie to him one night, and he watched it as soon as he got home. And texted me the funny lines while he was watching, which kind of melted my heart.  Also,  he’s pretty much one of the only guys who wasn’t hell bent on sending me a dick pic. Why do guys insist on sending dick pics, unsolicited dick pics? I mean, if I ask for one, which I’ve been known to do a time or two, then fine, but if I just met you an hour ago and gave you my number because you asked and then you’re sending me pictures of your huge (or really average) dick, I don’t want a thing to do with that. I get it. I’d be proud, too if I had a huge dick, but easy does it, man. I’ve received so many dick pics over the last few months, I could make a dick collage (stay tuned for 365 days of dicks, coming soon). Speaking of dick collages. I was on craigslist the other day. I was bored, sue me. It’s my go to. I can’t be left to my own devices at times. I think I’ve told you about my craigslist addiction, but if you didn’t read that blog (it was a while ago), it goes a little something like this: go to craigslist, look at free stuff, creative gigs, missed connections (just in case someone is looking for me) and finally casual encounters. Rarely, do I ever see anything that would even make me want to reply, especially since that whole married man incident. I also think most men on craigslist are married. If they were single, they’d be on Tinder or Plenty of Fish, right? But I did run across two relatively interesting ads with only pictures of dicks. Ladies, if you are married, you might want to check out the casual encounters section of your local craigslist. Your guy’s face won’t be there, but his dick may be. I had a friend tell me that she wouldn’t be able to pick her husband’s dick out on craigslist and I begged to differ. If you can’t pick your dude’s dick out of a lineup, you aren’t  fucking him enough and he probably really is on craigslist. Anyway, so the two guys I found on there just looking to hangout and hookup turned out to both be married or married-ish…. Surprise!! I may be a little loose in the hips sometimes, but married men is where I draw the line. Most of the time. There is one I’d probably risk the bad karma for, but that’s not likely to happen so we don’t even need to think about crossing that bridge just yet. There’s plenty of single men around for now. If they all turn gay or get married, then I will have to re-prioritize if I don’t find my Mr. Right by then, but for now, I’ll just continue loving all the wrong ones.

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