Somewhere along the line, dating changed. I don’t know if people just stopped giving a fuck about other people. Or maybe standards were lowered. Or maybe we all just got lazy. But we have got to do better. I’m not just talking men, either. Women, too. But, I have a vagina, so I cannot speak for men (even though I’ll probably try). I’m sure there’s some life blogger out there writing the same damn thing I am about dating from his perspective. I also hope I meet him one day so we can live happily ever after. But, for now, here are some of my dating woes that maybe men just don’t know they are doing. Feel free to pass this on to your single buddies. Especially, your single buddies online.
Even if the ultimate goal is to be sweaty, naked, nuts to butt in the bed with a woman, there really are a few steps you should probably take before expecting to get there. A lot of this references online dating since people rarely approach one another face to face anymore. If you are someone who does walk up to a woman in a bar and ask to buy her a drink, you are probably winning at life already and don’t even have to bother reading this. Just kidding. Read it anyway.
- It’s OK to make the first move. Please say more than “hey” or “hi.” Nothing about that makes you stand out. It doesn’t even convince us that you’ve looked at anything past our pictures. Look past the pictures. Read the profile. Say something interesting, or preferably funny, about our profile. Women love a funny guy.
- Ask for the number. It’s fine for you to shoot us your phone number and tell us to call you or text you, but if we don’t, please don’t take it for disinterest. Sometimes a woman just wants a man to be a man. Men used to ask for phone numbers and then they would use it. If she gave you her actual phone number from a dating website, that means she was interested enough in you to share her personal information. Chances are, you could, if you felt so inclined, go on Facebook and most likely look up her profile and find out all kinds of stuff about her. So you may think, it’s just a phone number, but phone numbers are linked to lots of stuff these days, so she has really given you an intimate piece of information.
- Keep Trying. If she didn’t really like you, she would have given you her Snapchat or her KiK ID. So if she doesn’t answer every single message, and you are actually interested in her, keep trying.
- Stop with the repeat hello’s. If you have messaged her, give her 24 hours to message you back. Online dating may be just another app on her phone that she doesn’t check regularly. You do not have to send a message and then wait five minutes and send a “hello” or “are you there?” If she wants to talk to you, she will. If you are too impatient to wait, see number two again and ask for her number. If she gives you some excuse as to why she can’t or if she continues to ignore your messages, move on. She’s not into you.
- If she’s not into you, it’s OK. It most likely has way more to do with her and her preferences and a lot less to do with you. It’s not the end of the world if a chic you like doesn’t reciprocate the feelings. There will be more who do. Unless you are just awkward or seem like a sexual predator.
- Try not to seem like a sexual predator. No sex talk in the first 7 days. I know sex is a big deal. I’ll be the first to admit that sometimes my life revolves around it. Not always, but sometimes. I’m a sexual creature by nature, and even I get turned off when a guy starts with the sexual innuendo before we’ve even talked for a week. Especially if he does it right after I’ve given him my phone number. I didn’t give you my number so we could have phone sex. Most likely, I gave you my number because I liked your smile and I thought you had half a brain to make conversation. Don’t ruin it with sex talk.
- You’re going to spend a couple dollars. If you can’t budget enough for dinner, drinks, and a movie, she’s probably going to have second thoughts about seeing you again. It’s not because she’s a gold digger. It’s because you are a man. It doesn’t matter how independent she is, or how much money she makes. The first few dates should be on you. This is when you are proving that you would be a provider. Or at the very least that you want to fuck her bad enough to spend $50 on entertaining her first. This rule doesn’t necessarily apply if she asked you out. You can insist on paying if you want, but normally, (s)he who asks, pays.
- Don’t invite her to your house for dinner and a movie on the first date. Preferably not on the second or third date either. Even if you are a home body. Take the girl out. Show her you can have a good time. Have a conversation. Ask her questions. Listen to her answers. Offer your own little life stories. A lot of guys are like, “I hate movies on a first date.” Movies are awesome for a first date. Do that before dinner. See a comedy. Or an action film. Then, if you can’t manage to find anything to talk about over dinner, you can at least talk about what you liked and disliked about the movie.
- Put your damn phone down. Turn your ringer off. Don’t look at it obsessive compulsively. The worst thing you can do on a date is to keep checking your phone as if you want to be elsewhere. And if we are being honest, she probably had more than one option to be somewhere and she picked you. Don’t make her regret it.
- Make your intentions clear. Some women are oblivious to the advances of men for various reasons. If you are into her, she may be one of those women who is going to just treat you like one of the girls until you let her know you want more. It’s not because she doesn’t like you. It’s more likely because you haven’t let her know how you feel so she thinks you don’t feel anything more than platonic.
- Don’t be weird after sex. Women are weird enough for the both of you. Don’t make things awkward after sex. And don’t change your communication patterns. If you just want sex, and that’s all it’s going to be, don’t be a dick, let her know that so she can decide if she still wants to see you. Don’t show her all the signs of really liking her until you dick her down and then ghost for four days. We are self conscious enough about everything, don’t give us another thing to add to the list.
- Be a man worth submitting to. Men talk about all the things they want their women to be. “I want someone strong, independent, but not too independent. I want my woman to be able to cook and I want her to want to cook for me. I want her to be good with my kids. I want her to be affectionate to me. I want her to cater to me when I need her to. I want her to be funny and curvy. I want her to be educated.” You want her to be a unicorn. And there’s nothing wrong with that, but take a good look in the mirror before setting your expectations so high and decide if you are the kind of man a woman wants. Are you going to be a unicorn for her too? If you can’t step up your game, she has no reason to. It’s not because she’s not amazing. It’s because you haven’t shown her that you deserve amazing. You’re getting what you’re giving.
Ladies, feel free to share this link on your dating profile. I know I didn’t touch all the bases but I was trying to keep the word count down. I’m sure we will talk about this more later. What are some of your dating complaints (men and women)? Leave a comment. Let’s have a conversation.