Quality Over Quantity

I spent the weekend babysitting again. I really love my friend. I must. Because I can literally only think of a handful of people who I would spend the weekend babysitting for versus writing or drinking or just being alone in the peace and quiet of my own house. Seriously, you never know how much you appreciate your own shit until you have to take an actual shit. Like an uninterrupted healthy poop. I’m not going to bore you with the details. But I’m really happy to be home, back in my space, close to my toilet where I can sit peacefully without having to worry about children killing each other or using the walls as an art project. My stress level is high when I babysit. It’s like borrowing somebody’s car. You want everything to be exactly the way it was when you got it or better and you want to make sure there’s a full tank of gas. I am literally on edge the whole time I babysit at my friend’s house, because I’m afraid something isn’t going to be right when she gets home. I thought about maybe bringing her kids to my house, but then I thought about how difficult it would be to tell her that my asshole dog killed one of her kids or at the very least maimed them accidentally. So I just ran at a level 10 in stress for the weekend. And that’s not a really pretty number for me.

Usually my stress level stays around a steady 2. No matter what is going on in my life. I just don’t stress. And when I find something in my life stressing me above a 2, if I can change the situation I do. For instance, I’m currently in the no dating zone. I think I mentioned before that I was heading in that direction. Well, I’m here. The really nice guy, who was the last person I was going to attempt to give a chance to, blew it on Friday. I knew I was going to be going to my friend’s house to babysit. And broke Jay-Z said he was hoping to see me this weekend. I call him broke Jay-Z because he looks just like Jay-Z but without the Jay-Z money…. I know it’s not a flattering title, but whatever, I give zero fucks at this point. So anyway, Thursday, he says he is hoping to see me this weekend. I already knew I was going to be busy. Plus, IT’S THURSDAY!!! Even if I wasn’t babysitting, I would be busy. Don’t ask me last minute to do something. If we aren’t friends, that shit just don’t fly with me. Call it me being spoiled. Call it me having standards. Call it what you want, just don’t call at the last minute.

But I don’t follow my own rules. Actually, I guess I do, because I don’t ever ask men out. And for good reason…. So Friday rolled around.  Broke Jay-Z texts me. I text back and ask him if he’s off work. He waits three hours before texting me back, which is also a pet peeve of mine. Don’t text me and start a conversation if you don’t have five minutes to send more than one or two texts. I’d rather not hear from you at all. So he texts, I text back, he doesn’t text back for three hours. Even though I’m irritated, he’s been very, very nice up to this point. So I’m feeling bad about cutting him off even though he was talking dating and marriage straight out the gate. So when he finally texts back, I was heading to eat. I asked him what he was doing first. His answer was “nothing.” So  I invite him to meet me at a little Mexican restaurant by our houses. He lives not too far from me. The restaurant is halfway between us. Twenty minutes pass before he replies, “I already had mexican this week. lol.” Which was fine. I still went to eat. My meal wasn’t dependent on him showing up, but he was the one who wanted to see me at any cost this weekend. But I guess he meant he wanted to see me at his place, on his couch or in his bed. I was quickly irritated with him and continued the cutting off process, because I don’t really feel like it matters how nice you are if you still pull fuckboy moves like that.

That was a really long explanation of me getting stressed out, I know, but after I keep running into these types over and over again, it does get stressful. And I’m inclined to believe there is something about me that attracts them. I think it is because I’m so nice that I will literally talk to anybody. And usually, I will still talk to them even after they hurt me or do me wrong in some way. That goes for friends, lovers, family, potential lovers, etc. Until recently. Recently I’ve been trying to focus on quality over quantity in every aspect of my life. So the men who lack quality have all been cut now.

And I am starting to work on my own quality. Mostly physically because I also noticed this weekend that I am getting a double chin and it does not look good on me so I must go back to my old ways of eating better and getting daily exercise. There’s a yoga class starting that I am going to do once a week. And I have a gym membership that I pay for every month so I might as well use it. And I think that is just the beginning of this journey so the blogs may get a little boring with all the self improvement and there probably won’t be as many torrid love affair sexploit blogs (at least for a while), but I think I will be happier for the moment and for right now, that’s all that matters to me.

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