Apologies that it’s been a while. I didn’t realize there were questions. They went to a different email folder and were overlooked by yours truly.
So… to rectify the situation, we will have an Ask Roulette today and tomorrow. I may not get to all of the questions, but that just means we will have some for next Saturday.
So without further ado…
*This is for entertainment purposes only. All advice received should be recognized as unprofessional advice from a professional smart-ass.
Also, sex questions pretty much make it to the top. Would you expect anything less?
I’ve been with my girlfriend for 4 years. I think things are good. We’ve reached the level where we’re comfortable with each other. We can leave the bathroom door open when we shit… like that level of comfort. So, we regularly have conversations about sex because I like to make sure that our needs are being met and that we’re on the same page. In the course of our last conversation, she said she sometimes thinks about other people when we’re having sex. I was devastated, but at the same time, I do it too. I think of other people occasionally during sex. I think anybody who is monogamous long enough does this if they’re honest. So, it’s ok for me to do it but not for her (lol kidding… sort of). This has really hurt my ego and my sexual confidence. So I guess the question is, does everybody do this? Is it ok? I’m not sure how I feel.
Isn’t that always the way? We want to be able to do things that our significant other is not entitled to. It is perfectly healthy for you (and her) to fantasize about other people while having sex. I wouldn’t say everybody does it, but a lot of people do. That’s why there is role-playing and other fun bedroom activities. You should not take it personally. It doesn’t say anything about your sex appeal to her or your masculinity. Fucking the same person for the rest of your life can be a scary thought to some people. If it’s not something you can handle hearing, maybe add that to the list of conversations that are not on the table anymore. It’s nice that you two are open and honest with each other, but it’s not necessary that you share everything.
What do you do when you’re the other woman and you didn’t know it?
Run. It’s one thing to make a conscious choice to deal with the karma and drama that comes along with being the other woman, but if he didn’t have enough respect for you to let you know what you were getting yourself into, then he doesn’t value you at all. I’d walk away if I were you. And block his number and pretend he didn’t exist. And whenever you miss him, call up your girlfriend who will be brutally honest with you and remind you how you felt when you found out you were the other woman. Plus, do you really want to be with him after that. It doesn’t matter how much he says he loves you and cares for you (if he says that), his actions should speak volumes. And if he’d do it to her, he’d do it to you. You cannot have a relationship without honesty, even if that relationship is just sexual.
Why do guys who clearly have major problems themselves always try to say it’s the women who are crazy (blame the women)?
It is partially your fault. You keep picking these messed up guys. Even if they are complete dickholes, at some point early on, you saw a red flag and you continued to proceed without caution. With that being said, people who have major problems have a tendency to bring those problems on themselves and then sit in the seat of the victim blaming everyone around them for all the things that are going wrong. I am speaking from first-hand experience on both ends. You must look in the mirror first and ask yourself honestly, why are you ok with settling for way less than you deserve? And then you need to turn around and look at your so-called man and tell him goodbye. You can be miserable by yourself.
I don’t want to marry my girlfriend, but I’m also afraid I’ll lose her if I don’t. She’s great and we’ve been dating for four years. The sex is fantastic. She’s a beautiful soul and a beautiful lady. I’m happy as is. She doesn’t stay the night ever. I think she’s trying to hold that out so it’ll make me want to marry her but I like that. I like it when she’s here, but I also like it when she leaves in the evening. I’ve told her this, but not quite this harshly. I just need this alone time. But I don’t want to wind up permanently without her, and I’m afraid I could. When we discuss it, she gets mad and says I should compromise and consider what she wants. But her compromise is… we get married. Not much of a compromise. Any suggestions?
I do have a suggestion that your girlfriend may not be on board with. It sounds like you don’t want to get married because you don’t want to give up your space. Everything else about your girlfriend seems to be working perfectly. Maybe you should talk to her about getting married but not cohabitating. I know it’s not traditional, but she may just want to be married so she can have the wedding and your last name or because it’s expected of her and so she will know that you really do love her and you are serious. What if you married her, but kept your house. You could spend the night 2 or 3 nights a week together but you would still have your space and she would still have a husband? It may take her a second to come around to the idea or maybe she won’t at all and if she doesn’t then you need to stop being selfish and let her go so she can find what she is looking for and find someone who will give her what she wants.
Come back tomorrow for a Special Sunday Edition…