Now This is a Situation

I know I said yesterday that the trucker was off limits and off the record. And I swear I am going to get back to that. But since this is more about me and less about him, I think I can share without violating our agreement.

So ever since I met him, I keep trying not to screw things up. I’m not pretending to be anyone I’m not, but he’s just so amazing and (fill in the blank with any positive adjective here).  And I don’t want to fuck it up with him, but apparently I’m a terrible listener. I used to think I was a really good listener, but maybe I’m not. I try to be, but I think I may not be as good at it as I thought. Or maybe I just haven’t had such interesting and entertaining conversations with men. Maybe he makes me a little bit nervous. Honestly, I don’t really know what the fuck it is. I just know that I’m about to buy a lot of Jack Daniels.  I bet him over the next 7 days my listening skills and questioning everything he says flaw would disappear and if I didn’t stick to it, I’d buy him some Jack.

Needless to say, I owed him a bottle of Jack in the first five minutes… {insert face palm here}. And then to top it all off, I think I poisoned him tonight. He passed back through Knoxville on his way to his last stop and then he is going home. First, I’ll tell you how I didn’t listen (or maybe misunderstood him). He mentioned that I could go with him and he would bring me back. I either didn’t hear him say it would be tonight or misunderstood and thought he meant tomorrow. Either way, I missed getting a chance to spend a few more hours with what is pretty much the man of my dreams.

And then… I almost killed him or at the very least poisoned him. He was tired from driving all day. I told him I would bring him some B12 vitamins for energy. But I walked out of the house without them. I stopped at a gas station to grab something and they had some all natural “green energy.” It was caffeine and sugar free and chock full of supposed goodness… keyword supposed. There was something in it that triggered his acid reflux. And then, me being the asshole that I am, I couldn’t stop laughing.

In my defense, he was making jokes about it, but then he couldn’t stop burping. And if burping like that feels the same way as having the hiccups, he’s never going to talk to me again. Which is a bummer, because I really, really liked him. Like more than I’ve liked anyone, maybe ever. Hopefully we get past that. Hopefully he lives through the night. So I guess this won’t be my last off the record-on the record blog about him because I’m sure you going to want to know if he’s alive or not.

I’m sure he will be fine, but I’ve only known him 4 days and already I’ve shown that I’m an obviously bad judge of energy drinks on top of being a terrible listener.

The worst part is, I’m laughing to tears as I write this just thinking of it all. Not because I almost killed him, but because he’s hilarious and I want to keep him forever and it seems like I just keep doing stupid shit which I don’t usually do or maybe I don’t usually care if I do. I don’t know what the fuck is going on here….  I know, I know, it’s just four days, but it’s more like just four days in this lifetime, because two people cannot get along as well as we do in just four days if they didn’t know each other intimately in another life. That’s the story I’m sticking with.

And for the record, when we were talking about the terrible energy drink and my inability to listen, I’m pretty sure he said, “blog that shit!” So, technically, he gave me permission to write this. Not that he will probably ever read it, but if you are reading this even if it’s ten years from now, I’m sorry I almost killed you that day. And I hope I’m a better listener now.

And for those of you who are thinking TEN YEARS, WHAT?

Yeah, I’ve got long term plans with this one. Ten years. Twenty years. Til death do we part and all that shit (assuming he lives after that energy drink situation).

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