The Other Phil

I’m not sure if I ever mentioned my dickhole neighbor. I’m sure I have. He’s not really my neighbor. He owns a vacant house across the street from me. He’s been working on the house and every time he has garbage from the house he politely walks it across the street into the vacant lot next to my house and throws his trash. I clean up the vacant lot so needless to say, I think he’s a dick. I never say anything. I just glare at him.

Yesterday, as I was pulling up to my house, Mel, my kiddo, says, “he’s caught a groundhog.” It was a nice day. Today, Sunday, was all rainy and awful. The groundhog had been in the cage all night. NO food. NO water. Just rain and wind.

So, I went over to visit. Took some grapes. Made friends. It was about 7am. I couldn’t figure out how to open the cage with the pressure of being seen. I don’t know how many of my neighbors know this guy. I know the lady on the corner is his sister and she’s a dickhole too. So I went on about my day keeping tabs on the other Phil. So I went to poetry which was great. I went to grab Mel from work. When I came home, the other Phil was still in the cage. I was kind of relieved because I believe un-neighbor would have probably just put a  bullet in his head and threw him over into the empty lot next to me.

Instead of waiting for that, I went and grabbed the cage and brought Phil over by my house (yes, I know the kind of damage groundhogs do, no I do not care. I care that he is alive and that is all). And then, I figured out how to open the cage. I told him, “Listen, Phil, I don’t know if you guys are aggressive but I’m about to let you out and I need you to not attack me because I promised my daughter a video if you did and my battery is low.” I think I saw him shrug his shoulders as I opened the cage. He walked out, looked back at me with a nod of approval and walked in the opposite direction of the house.

I’m hoping that he doesn’t go back over there to get caught again, but if he does, I will just keep letting him go until he realizes that we are best friends and sticks around my house. Not in my house or under my house because the dogs would eat him, but just around the house. On the outskirts, where I throw the scrap food.

Anyway, I was having kind of a shitty weekend until that happened, so even though it’s 11 O’clock and the day is almost over, the other Phil really made me feel like my life had a purpose today.

So, thanks, Phil!

and Happy Monday, Y’all!


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