Really good (or maybe really bad)

So as it turns out, Flea Market Guy and I are either really good at being friends or really bad at it. He texts me yesterday telling me about his terrible, awful day at work. My solution?

“Do you want to get together tonight?”

I know. I know. Sue me. I should be acting like a dick to pay him back for his dickheadedness, but I can’t. Partly because I’m not a dick. And partly because he is one of my happy places right now. Like the ocean. Or a thunderstorm. Being around him makes me happy and I’ll take all the happiness I can get. Plus, it’s not our time together that causes the problems. It’s our time apart. Which is inevitable, but we will cross that bridge when we get to it again. And since we are “just friends” there is no pressure (for him) to meet all of the (imaginary) expectations I have for him.

So his answer to “do you want to get together tonight?” was “Stranger things?”

It’s kind of our thing. Usually one episode. But last night, I got there and he had gone to the store to get groceries because he wanted to cook dinner for me before we watched (that’s not boyfriend like at all).  He made veggie burgers and pasta salad. Then we watched the last episode of season one. The suspense was killing us so we decided to watch the first episode of season two… then the second… then the third. We finally made ourselves quit after the first fifteen minutes into the fourth episode. And he asked me to spend the night.

Of course, I said yes. And we just slept. It is those actions that give way to me feeling like we are definitely more than friends. But it is OK. Because I’ve decided not to press the issue. And if he wants to be delusional in his interpretation of what’s going on, it’s fine. We can be “friends.” I actually really like the friendships that consist of hours of conversation that never get boring and home cooked dinners. I guess it’s a win/win situation unless I end up getting all psycho again and getting my own episode of “Snapped.”

For the record, loyal readers, I’ll always let you in on where I hide the body. You’ll just have to read between the lines.

Since he has decided that he wants to be “friends,” I’ve decided that I will not be taking myself completely off the market because why would I overlook some other good thing that may come along (even when I don’t really care about anyone else who may come along) when this guy can’t see what’s standing in front of him (which is me all open-armed and understanding and shit).

Which leads me to this…  I went on a lunch date today. I guess that’s what it was. A guy I know who I used to be romantically interested in (until I found out he had a wife and I’m pretty sure he has a blog around here somewhere) recently got in touch with me because I had told him if he and the wife didn’t work out, then he could give me a call. Fast forward over a year later… he and the wife are not working out. Divorce is in the works. He has his own place now. And he reaches out to me a lot. I’ve seen him a few times. But nothing romantic has happened.

I think I have some sort of brain damage that does not allow me to go back ever. I went out a couple weeks ago with a guy who I was interested in a couple years ago who kind of slighted me by spending a lot of time with me and then without warning getting back with his girlfriend. At the time, I was kind of mad. I’ve obviously slept it off, but now, when we hang out, that’s all it is. Purely platonic. He’s a cool dude. We have things in common. But neither one of them is Flea Market Guy.

As a matter of fact, nobody is Flea Market Guy. My friend Liz says that even if it doesn’t work out, at least he raised the bar. Unfortunately, he raised it so much that I can’t even pretend to be entertained when I get a message from one of the online dating sites because he just does conversation well.

So even though we had our first little hurdle, I’m not ready to call it quits and walk away because I really don’t want him ending up on the “sorry, you had your chance and now I’m not as interested anymore” list. Maybe I’m selfish. Maybe I’m stupid. Or maybe I really just believe that we are all in this thing together. Some of our hurdles are tougher than others and sometimes it just takes a little understanding.

Although I’m not in the business of trying to save people anymore, I do believe deep down that this guy is totally a guy worth hanging on to. At least for a little while longer until I have a little bit more clarity.

So, I’m still Team Flea Market Guy. I’m sure he’s left a bad taste in some of your mouths after his little disappearing act, but it’s ok. From the outside looking in, your perspective is probably a lot clearer than my emotionally charged perspective. But for now, I’m pretty content where I’m sitting. And at least I get to have hours-long conversations about life, the cosmos, ghosts, and how to murder people in new and unconventional ways (stay tuned for that book).

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