I woke up yesterday to a cloudy, dreary day. Saturday had been great. It was sunny. I drove my friend to Atlanta to buy a car, we came home, went to eat, wandered around downtown. Everything was perfect. Not that everything is not perfect right now. I’m not usually in the habit of complaining. It’s just that I’ve been feeling a little “off” lately. It would be really nice if I could blame it on my love life. Or the fact that I wish I made more money. Or that I’m busy all the time and never get anything accomplished.
But the truth of it is: It’s all me.
I will be the first to admit that my time management skills are about as on point as my budgeting skills. I suck at both. I am really good at wasting time on Facebook, and Snapchat, and random games on my phone. But the first step is admitting you have a problem right? So I did that yesterday. I admitted I had a problem and I deleted a shit ton of apps from my phone. Maybe like 15 (Facebook and Snapchat included).
The Facebook I miss already. But I can get on my computer and look at it if I feel the urge. I have a lot of friends on there that I really love keeping up with. Although, I do have a handful of friends on there that are all about some drama and are very selfish, but I usually just scroll past or I hit that handy little “snooze for 30 days” button when it becomes too much. So, I guess if I’m being honest, I could probably add the Facebook app back, and I may do that. We will see.
So I kind of had a small meltdown yesterday. Not for any good reason. I think between the weather and the shower, things just went to shit. The shower, you ask? Yes. My bathroom was redone right before I moved into this house 3-ish years ago. Over the last few weeks, I’ve noticed the shower handles pulling into the wall. Yes, INTO. Like some crazy monster is back there having a field day. I’ve been ignoring it for a while because, like Cancer, if you ignore it, it doesn’t exist, right?
Well, yesterday, I decided I was going to fix it. Because I’m handy like that. Long story short, I tore a bunch of shit up and I’m pretty sure I need a plumber (and soon). I know a couple people who are good at plumbing, but then there’s the money issue. I make enough money to live. I don’t make enough money to not freak out when the shit hits the fan like it did last week with my car and now this week with the shower. Needless to say, I started stressing about money. And how I should be making more. And how I have too much talent to be broke all the time.
And again, I had to look myself and the mirror and give myself a pep talk. It went a little like this, “Listen here, you little whiny bitch. If you aren’t making enough money, it’s because you aren’t trying hard enough. You don’t even know how to follow a schedule. You waste numerous hours a day looking out the window. You are not the productive type. So stop crying and start doing.”
So, that’s what prompted the deletion of the apps. And that’s also what started this new journey I decided to go on… 365 Days of Self-Improvement.
I’m going to attempt to get my life in order. I have two completed books that I need to work on. One that needs a new cover. A poetry book in my head that I need to get on paper and three book ideas also in my head waiting to come out. But what am I doing? I’m waiting on Flea Market Guy to love me and spending time with any other guy I can find to take my mind off him. Things that I should not be doing. What I should be doing is accepting the fact that Flea Market Guy will never love me and that I don’t really need anyone else to entertain me because I’m pretty fucking entertaining on my own.
So, I’m putting aside my fairly non-existent (at this point) dating life and I’m going to work on getting more writing done. Doing more exercises. Eating better. Reading more. And generally trying to find the rest of the peace that is missing from my life.
However, even though I will not be on the other social sites as often, I am going back to my resolution of being here every day. I was going to keep all my goals a secret because I didn’t want anyone to hold me accountable but myself, but I figured that you all would figure it out sooner or later since I’ll be writing about it.
So, here’s to 365 Days of Productivity.
RouletteWeekend 