Things Do Look Up

This week at work, I’ve been stressing myself trying to be perfect at my job. I know it’s just a job and I know in the big scheme of things it is just a grain of sand in the ocean. But to me, it’s my thing right now. And it’s kind of the only thing I have going on so I keep trying to give 110%. And I’m usually really good at it, but this week I’ve just fucked up over and over and over. Not intentionally. But, really, let’s be honest, who fucks up intentionally? Anyway, to make a long story short, I’ve been stressed and when I mentioned it to my boss(es), they both made me feel better. Most bosses pull the dickhead move and tell you to try harder or some shit. Or they get aggravated with you for making a mistake. Not mine. They just kind of deal with things in a shoulder shrugging we all make mistakes life goes on kind of way. Which is really fucking refreshing. Because honestly, I make myself feel shitty enough. I don’t really need any help in that department. So I’ve left work frustrated with myself every day this week, except for today. Today turned out to be a good day and in the end, everything really did work out and none of the earlier stuff even mattered.

And then, to top it all off, the guy from the online dating site (from this point forward known as “bumble guy” if he wasn’t already) was messaging me after work. He sent me his number and told me to text him so we could get off that site. I was kind of happy for that message. Because I don’t know if I had mentioned it or not, but I was wanting to delete my profile because I bore easily and he was the most interesting thing going, but then he kind of disappeared for 2 days. Just a short message when he got off work and then maybe one in the morning and another when he got off work again, but no conversation like the first night. So I took it upon myself to make the assumption that he was probably on dates that he had made earlier in the week. Which is completely understandable. So I just didn’t bother sending a message. Not because I wasn’t interested. Mostly because I can’t muster the energy to chase anyone even if I think they are worth it, because as history has proven with flea market guy, and Alejandro and so many others, very rarely are things what they appear. So I kind of resigned. I’m in this weird spot where I kind of hate everybody, but I kind of don’t want to be alone. It’s a bizarre life situation.

But, back to bumble guy.  Our breakfast date is still a go if he doesn’t have to work. If he does have to work, I will probably take that opportunity to go to work myself. But like I said before, I’ve got a good feeling about him. Not that my feelings are usually right, but sometimes they are even if it is shortlived. And if all else fails, I can always marry the Spanish guy who proposed to me today….

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