Flea Market Guy officially made it to sixty days of sobriety. It feels so much longer than that. Sixty days. That means we have only lived together for 60 days, because he moved in when he first started his journey of sobriety.
I guess I haven’t really posted too many updates about it because I didn’t want to jinx anything. And I didn’t want to set myself up for disappointment by putting him on a pedestal that he may, at any moment, decide to dive off head first. But, there’s been no diving. He’s been working really hard on his sobriety and it’s not been a walk in the park for him, but to me, it has been way more pleasant than I had expected. He’s in a good mood most days and he’s in good spirits most days.
We always make sure to laugh at something before our feet even hit the floor in the morning. It seems to set the mood for the day. And we follow the same rule at night. We either joke about something or he reads to me from our book of the month, which right now is David Sedaris, Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk. And we are thoroughly enjoying it. And then he goes to a meeting every single day. It’s not really an option for him. Not because of me, but when he misses, which he has once or twice, the rest of his day is off. So he tries not to miss. He’s also in an intensive outpatient program that he goes to Monday through Thursday from 6-9pm. And he’s working two jobs. So with all of that, we really only have the mornings and the evenings to enjoy each other. And mid afternoon. I try to make dinner a little early so he can eat in between work and class or work and work. On the weekends we have a little more time to spend together, but he also has “homework” to do for his treatment program so he spends some time doing that. But he is very committed to his sobriety. And he is very committed to making sure we “work.”
It’s been really nice having him at the house, even though he’s still putting off bringing any of his stuff to the house. He says it’s because the house is already “full” of stuff. I thought I was a minimalist, but he said otherwise. He actually said, “you are no minimalist.” But the only thing I really hoard is books. And I just can’t get rid of them. I’ve tried. It causes physical pain. So they stay. But he has his own book hoarding problem so I guess I can kind of see his point.
Either way, things are going really well with us. We laugh a lot. We are slowly starting to make plans that I am confident will happen now. We are really getting to know each other. Two months ago, I would have thought he was just talking to hear his own voice and everything was a lie. Because it was. He was just saying what he thought I wanted to hear so he could continue to drink. But now he is acknowledging behavior that I don’t like and we are talking about it. Our communication is at an all time high. And we are good.
Alcoholism is a crazy thing. I guess any addiction is a crazy thing, but most of the other things that people get addicted to that ruin their lives are usually illegal like crack, heroin, meth. And things like pills, you have to really work for to get your hands on by going to a doctor and lying or stealing it from someone you know, but alcohol is literally everywhere. It’s on every billboard, in every gas station, at every restaurant. It’s so easy to get your hands on and it’s legal. You don’t have to worry about getting “caught” with alcohol. I’ve also been sober for the duration of his sobriety. I did have wine one day, but I’ve definitely been off the vodka and the tequila, which are my drinks of choice, since he’s been on the wagon.
He’s told me over and over again that he doesn’t mind if I go out and have a drink but I told him that I couldn’t, in good conscience, come home drunk knowing that he is struggling to stay sober. Not that I would have to get drunk, but that’s usually how it goes with hard liquor and me. I also thought it would be insensitive and selfish of me. After all, we both went through his being drunk together and it came very close to ending us so why would I chance pushing him over the edge and back to that place? He’s been strong so far but he’s also in a very safe and sober environment. I feel like one change to the environment and there’s no telling how different things would be right now.
And right now things are so good. I won’t even chance doing anything to ruin it or to tempt him to go back to that place. I know ultimately it is his choice to make, but I think when we are both making the choice, it makes it a little easier. Especially since I don’t even have a drinking problem and there have been times when I just want to go out and have a drink. He wants to have a drink every single day and there doesn’t even have to be a reason. If he actually did, we would be starting all over. And I don’t think either one of us wants to go back there when where we are right now is as close to perfect as we’ve ever been.